Who needs a crown when I have her eyes on me?
“More?” I plead.
She closes her pen. “No, no more.”
Oh, agony. I remain flesh. My revolting being has not been fully covered. I must live in the knowledge that I am imperfect and wretched.
Her hand plucks one of mine from the sheets and stretches my arm out. She examines me, then her body lowers. Resting her head against my shoulder, she snuggles in, wrapping a hug around me. “I love being with you,” she says before my heart can catch up to the fact she iscuddlingme. Unprompted. After sayingno. Again.
She has grown so much…
And, yet, she has come tolovebeing with me?
Turning toward her, I listen to the melody of her plastic pens falling into each other around us when we move. I cup her cheek. Hoarse, I say, “Ilovebeing with you, too.”
Pink rises up her neck, and she traces a heart on my body with her fingertip. “I know. I can tell. It’s…” She mellows, lets her eyes close. “It’s really nice, being able to tell. So…effortlessly. Knowing I have worth to you for things that are easy to do is comforting.” Her lungs fill. “And I know you’re trying to get me to stop equating my worth to what I can offer, but the concept that my existence alone could be enough feels more unattainable right now than the concept that small and painless things make me enough. Believing in actions is easier than believing in things I don’t control.”
“Healing is a journey,” I whisper as I trace the shell of her ear. “You’re making progress. All steps in the right direction, no matter how small or insignificant they might feel, are huge. You’re doing so well, cupcake. So, so well.”
Burying herself against my body, she whispers, “Please keep talking?”
I can’t temper my smile. “I’m proud of you. You’re doing really hard things beautifully. You are so strong.” I press my lipsto her hair, drink in her vanilla almond scent. “So good.” I hold her as close as I can and reprimand my legs for begging to tangle with hers. I deny them the sweet pleasure. “Somine.”
Her thighs press into me, and her toes curl against me.
I mute the thrill her nearness erupts inside. “I’ll protect you while it’s scary. And when you’re not scared anymore, I’ll still be right here, reveling in how far you’ve come, ready to eviscerate anyone you deem unworthy of your time.”
“Eviscerate.” She giggles again.
No one is worthy of her time.
No one.
Least of all me.
“Cupcake,” I murmur, “I know I shouldn’t keep asking, but at the least it can be practice for you…so…do you want to stay with me tonight? I already mourn the time tomorrow when I’ll be at the studio, without you.”
“You can’t bring me?” she asks, then she tenses. “Is that an inappropriate question?”
“I’ll tell you if anything you ever do bothers me, but no question that suggests you want to be around me more will ever be inappropriate.”
Her foot sneaks between my calves, hooks, reels in, and tangles our legs. “So…I can come?”
Breathless, I say, “Nothing would make me happier.” Except, possibly, holding her all night, waking with her, then going with her. Never being apart from her for even a moment ever again would probably make me happier, but within the realm of realism? I’ll stick to my feasible goals.
“Will there be a lot of people there?” she asks.
“Just the studio team.”
“Will you keep them from paying any attention to me?”
Pleasure starts low in my chest. “Of course, cupcake… You only want my attention, don’t you?”
“Yours is safe.”
Safe. Me. When I’m one bad idea away from kissing her senseless, leaving her gasping, and demanding a differentmore. Amore, perhaps, I might be so inclined todrownin.
Yeah, I’m such a beacon of safety.
