And that?
That barely took an afternoon.
Dumping my purse off in my room, I keep myself from glancing toward the closed door that used to be hers in the hall when I head to the kitchen to make myself a TV dinner.
Even though I’m always welcome at the Bachelor house, I try not to always act like I live there when I don’t.
I could.
I know I could.
Maelin’s invited me to. Kaleb’s mentioned it at least once. Zakery has offered to take me shopping for whatever my heart desires so I can make one of those massive roomsmine. But I’ve refused because I don’t even want to picture being around Kyran for prolonged hours after dark. The winter months are bad enough to manage with the sun setting so early.
I’m not entirely sure how I survived the worst of them. Thankfully, February is giving me just alittlemore time with navy skies to get my tasks done before I flee…but December? December, with its holiday cheer and events and such and so forth? Yeah. December wasrough.
Feelings…areweirdafter dark.
I don’t know how much strength I’d have to deny Kyran if his propositions came at my bedroom door in the middle of the night. With how often I intrude on him in his bedroom, I wouldn’t have a single point to stand on concerning him not doing the same, and the idea of Kyran in my bedroom after a late-night stream isbad.
For multiple reasons.
Reason one: my bedroom is amess. Always. I collecteverything. Literallyeverything. I have a labeled collection of plastic silverware from fast food places under my bed because they arememoriesof the meals I’ve shared with people—my sister, friends I no longer talk to, high school classmates I only see on my Leopard feed these days. I’m painfully sentimental. So, I have a long, red Dairy Queen spoon sitting merrily beside the infamous—and since outdated—Taco Bell spork.
The last thing I need is for Kyran to learn my dark messy secrets. With how often I get on him about keeping things tidy,there’s no way he’d pass up the opportunity to torment me over my hypocrisy.
Reason two…
After retrieving my microwaved, not-Clara-delicious meal, I tiptoe my way back through the clutter covering my floors, sit on my unmade bed—AKA the only free space in the entire square footage—and let my lips pinch after I stuff a bite of macaroni in my maw.
Directly ahead, taking up an amount of wall space I am ashamed to have delegated for it, is my…signed FrostPlays poster.
Which is surrounded.
By smaller, but still embarrassing, FrostPlays posters as well as other assorted FrostPlays merch.
Yes, I’d say that bringing my shrine into a new home where the object of said shrine lives is a bad idea.
Swallowing the heart beating in my throat, I take in FrostPlays’s cool gaze peering directly back at me from the largest poster. Done up in blues that meld ice imagery with electronic, Frost holds a cordless mouse against his lips and—
My head explodes with a flush, and I fall back against my pillows, scoop more food, shovel it in.
Rabid fangirl, I am not. I’m not out here reading smutty fanfiction at 3:00 a.m. as though it wasn’t written about a real person. In case you have to ask, I’m not writing it, either. Because, again, I’ve no creative talents to speak of.
I’m veryinvisiblein my interests.
I don’t comment on any videos. I do not participate in the stream chats. I do notlikeorheartanything on any platform. I take the pang of guilt that hits me when he asks for us to like the video if we liked the video, and I move on to the next recommendation in spite of it.
I say: Ooh, is that a new Enigma upload?
Do not mind if I do.
Click.
And then I move on with my life, completely and entirely a background character.
I blame my general nonchalance for the fact Maelin hasn’t yet outed me as a massive nerd for FrostPlays. The sheer quantity ofstuffI possess lackadaisical interest in makes no one thing mean anything more than the fifty others. Yeah, I watch Frost and have Frost merch. So what? I also watch this girl who does makeup videos, CapyZahra, and a dozen Minecraft YouTubers—including Enigma, Endeavor, StoneRogue, Dracon48, Legendary613, and…yeah, well. You get the point. I also have a coin collection…somewhere. And my shelves are lined with shiny rocks. And the array of tokidokis and enamel pins beside my barbies and stuffed animals really draw the attention off any one specific thing.
Maelin knows I likethings, but I don’t really talk about any one particularthing.
