My eyes narrow. “Well, because maybe you aren’t?” Maybe people aren’t supposed to know things about me, because I’m a loser who keeps pushing people away any chance I get? Maybe I pride myself in my ability to keep people at arm’s length, where it’ll hurt less to get rid of them, because the one time I didn’t? The one time I wentall-in…it stung when I was got rid of.
I’m still working to dissect the pain from my heart in the aftermath.
Not…not that I ever grouped Maelin among the people I try to keep at a distance. I guess I just…
Have I put her, my twin sister, in that box? That box of people whodon’t get toknow me just in case they’ll want nothing to do with me once they see how little I’m worth, even when I’m giving everything I have?
After Maelin married Zakery minutes after meeting him, I guess I’ve begun fortifying my heart against even her, because I learned that even she could love someone else more than me and leave me behind for them without all that much thought.
Even though…she hasn’t left me behind, has she?
I don’t know.
I’m being stupid, and emotional. Again.
I should get a t-shirt that says that. Except I’d probably have to get seven so I can wear it every single day of the week. Because when isn’t it accurate?
“Are you going to talk to me?” Maelin asks, voice soft and vulnerable, reminding me exactly who she talked to about Zakery the whole time she was falling hard and fast. I was right there. Reviewing literal paperwork he put together for her. Because my opinion mattered to her.
She told me, didn’t she? She said she didn’t want to let her stupid feelings lead her into another bad decision, so she trusted me to be her sense.
She gave me what I wasn’t strong enough to give her.
Grumbly, I say, “I…am possibly developing feelings for…Kyran.” My stomach revolts, so I quickly add, “But I’m against them.”
“Why?” she asks, so simply. “Kyran’s sweet, isn’t he? And you’ve liked him since before all this, haven’t you?”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s FrostPlays, right? You have those posters of him up in your room.”
I flush. “Since when do you know what’s in my room or not?” And how long did it take her to connect the dots onFrostPlaysbeing one of theBachelor brothers? I swear she didn’t know that when we started working here, and I made myself suffer through a wholenever meet your idolsarc alone. “You moved out. For all you know, I’ve burned all his merch since realizing that he’s a horrible mongrel incapable of using his hamper.”
“He encouraged your use of a tape measure when we decorated the main tree this Christmas.”
I throw my arms up, then back together, scoffing through every motion. “He did not. He ran his mouth about it the whole entire time.”
“He wouldn’t let a single one of his brothers place a single ornament without your approval.” Maelin gets all ooey-gooey and warm. “He’s violently protective of you. It’s cute.”
My hackles rise. “N-no, it isn’t.”
“Why don’t you want to develop feelings for Kyran? It’s not like it matters that he’s your brother-in-law. There’s been nothingsiblingbetween you two.”
On edge, I eye my sister, feeling horrifically cut open right now. She’s the rambler. I’m the closed-off one. She’s the open book. I’m the locked box. She’s not supposed to notice these things. Even though she’s “older,” I’ve always felt like the older one between us. She’s so…princess. And I’m so guard dog. “He doesn’treallylike me. I’m just convenient. He doesn’t get out much. It’s not going to last.” Breath pulls through my chest. “But I…I really want it to. I’d like to be wrong about how long it might last. I just have no idea how to get to…toforeverwithout breaking everything.” I squeeze my eyes shut and cut my fingers into my hair, tugging on the roots. “Worse, I’mtryingto break everything. I’m being horrible, Mae. I want to be wrong, butI’m not willing to be. I’m so sure I’m right, I’m making it hard to be anything but. I’m being difficult and annoying and needy and inconsiderate. I’m basically jumping on what could be in an effort to shatter it…or…or to prove to myself that—no matter what—it won’t shatter at all. It’s repulsive. I’m repulsive. On top of everything else about me that’s already hard enough to love.”
“You’re not hard to love,” she lies.
I scoff. “I am, though. You’re just numb to it because you’re used to me and have to love me as part of being my sister. You don’t have to like me, but you’ve got to love me.”
“I like you, too, though.”
Of course she does. Because she’s the sweet, pretty princess, and I’m the heinous witch.
“How’s Kyran reacting to your efforts to break things? Does he seem annoyed or bothered?”
I glare at the ground.
I guess…you’ll just have to come into forever with me.
