“Yeah.”
Disgusting.
“We were close. For years. We grew up together. I felt like…we understood each other. It took things falling apart for me to realize how one-sided our relationship was, and it took this experience for me to trust that assessment.” Lifting her arm, she covers her eyes. “I feel so stupid.”
“Don’t.”
“I let her use me. She wasn’t even subtle about it. She’s just… She’s horrific, andthatwas my best friend?Thatis what I’ve let define my self-worth for years?Thatis why I’m scared of losing people? Because I gave everything to someone better off lost?” Her fist clenches.
“Morana, it’s never stupid to care about someone.”
“No, maybe not, but it is stupid to hold on while they abuse you, and it’s stupid to let them create your sense of self.”
My grip on the wheel tightens. “You aren’t stupid. She didn’t deserve you. You love so completely. It covers everything. You’re so hard on yourself while those you love are allowed to get away with murder.” I cuss. “Come on, Morana. I married you in the middle of the night without any sort of warning. I walked into your house. I’ve spent the past seven months trailing after you, poking at you, annoying you, clinging to you, and just being a general irritation. I’ve made a game out of riling you up, and you’ve basically encouraged it.”
“Encouraged it?” she drones. “Isthatwhat you call my yelling at and nagging you constantly?”
“Lukas never gets nagged. And how much dirty laundry does he leave all over his floor?”
Her cheeks redden beneath her arm. “Well.”
“You could have ignored it. You could have followed Kaleb’s instructions to not worry about anything that wasn’t yourobligation. He made it clear you weren’t to clean up after us. Face it. I was unbearable, and you played with me anyway.”
“Unbearableis a strong word. You’re…” Her voice softens to a mutter, “Fun to play with.”
“I’m desperate, and irritable, and grumpy. I’m overbearing. I’m self-centered. I demand attention when I want it, and I complain when I’m bothered by it. I’m rough.”
She swallows, angling her body toward the window.
“You don’t even see it, do you? Have I everactuallybothered you? Even once?”
Dropping her arm, she turns toward me. “Ofcourseyou have.”
“Really?”
Her mouth opens. Her eyes flick off me. Her lips pinch. She says, “Well…there was that…one time when…”
“Very convincing.”
She throws her arms together, huffing. “Well, what do you expect? For all yourirritations, you think I haven’t noticed that you’ve helped me with all my chores ever since I started working for you guys? You bring me water and snacks and make it so obvious you care about me. It’s hard for someone who cares about me to bother me.”
“Exactly what I mean. You forgive anything in the name of love. The bad stuff doesn’t even exist. It’s why I’m so glad I’m not the leader in our relationship, because I have a feeling you would genuinely let me do anything so long as I loved you, and I would hate myself if I ever learned that I took advantage of that.” The cars on the highway ahead begin braking until the four lanes of traffic come to a standstill. Sighing as we stop, I face Morana. “It’s not stupid to believe in people. It’s stupid to abuse people who believe in you.”
She glares at me. Arms crossed. Divot on display. “I think I’m over my character growth era.”
I arch a brow.
“I don’t want to be better anymore.”
“Oh good. I was really worried you’d stop slamming me into walls in the name ofhealthier relationship habits, and I cannot express how much of my mental health relies on the way you grip my shirt when you’re yelling at me.”
Her eyes roll as her wittle nose scrunches up, but she grumbles, “I’d miss it, too.” Her muscles loosen. “I think, maybe, there’s something beautiful about finding the kinds of people who cherish you where you are and don’t even care about what you might grow into. There’s no pressure. You just…wake up one morning and realize you’re tangled together like a lucky bamboo arrangement. I like feeling like I don’t need tobecomesomething with you. I like knowing I can justbe.”
“Being with you is my favorite pastime.”
Her lips soften into a smile. “Yeah. I know.” Peace settles over her as the traffic inches along. Looking out the window at the roadside crawling by, Morana says, “Hey…e-boy?”
“Yes, mistress?”
