She couldn't even pinpoint it.Whatever it was, it wasn't enough.But what more could she do?She needed people around her, and the only one she could trust was Borji, and even he was not necessarily on her side.
She could not go on like this.
The room was too quiet.
"Azul," she whispered, her own name strange on her lips."Why are you fighting me?You know my anger is your anger.Your past is mine.Your pain I inherit.Your dreams I will salvage.So why?"
The curtains swayed leisurely.
"I don't want this body," she continued, her voice shaky."I don't want your memories, your family, or your fate.But I'm trapped in your skin, feeling your love for a man who sold you."
Her chest ached, but whether it was real or not, she didn't know.
"You don't want me to kill him."The words came out flat."You'd really rather destroy us both than let me lay even a finger on him.I understand.But you have to understand, I am not one to stand even a thorn in my flesh.I can't just accept this."
The pain in her chest didn't lessen.
"If he truly loves you—if he truly loves us—then I won't harm him.I swear it.But if at any point from now he proves he doesn't, then you have to let me go.Or I'll make sure I take them down with me, and we can all die together."
Slowly, the crushing pressure eased.
Some hours later, the door opened.
Borji entered carrying a tray; he set it down on the small table beside her bed, then stood there, clearly uncertain what to say.
Azul turned in bed to look at him."Untie me."
He seemed wary.
"Untie me, Borji."
"You tried to kill yourself."
"And now I won't."She met his eyes directly."I promise I won't kill myself.Now untie me."
"If you try anything—"
"I won't."
The ropes fell away.Azul sat up slowly, wincing as blood rushed back into her arms.She flexed her fingers, rolled her shoulders, then reached for the cup of water.She stopped herself with her fingers within reach and withdrew her hand.
Borji didn't comment on it.
"Did you find anything on Iyom's father?"Her tone was brisk, brushing past the meeting with her father entirely.As though it never happened.
Borji glanced away."I...yes.I did."
"...Why didn't you tell me?"
He shifted his weight, looking uncomfortable."I was struggling to gather my thoughts."
"You were scared of what I'd do with the information."
His silence was enough confirmation.
Azul tilted her head; any fondness she had for him seemed to have cooled entirely."Does it bother you that much?The kind of person I am?"
The question hung between them.Borji struggled to respond.Finally, he shook his head.
