Not unless I have to. Not with civilians, not with anyone who hasn’t worn the same cut I have. But she’s standing here in the woods, asking me a direct question, and the answer comes out of me before the walls go up.
“Her dad was my best friend. Simon. We enlisted together.” I look at the shrub at the mouth of the alcove. It’s easier than looking at her. “He didn’t make it back. So I moved here and became her legal guardian.” I pause. “Even if I’m shit at it most days.”
The last part wasn’t supposed to come out. But it’s true. Most days, I have no clue what I’m doing with that kid. We share the same wound, but I don’t know what to say to her.
Thea brushes the dirt from her dress, hands still tremble faintly.
“You’re trying. That counts too. Don’t be too tough on yourself, Kilian,” she says, and her voice has a warmth that catches me off guard.
I stare at her, the same way her hazel eyes hold mine without blinking. Why does her saying my name—
Damn it.I’m supposed to be scaring her off. That’s the plan. Keep the distance, make her uncomfortable, make her smart enough to stay away from a man like me before I drag her somewhere she can’t come back from. But here I am, splintering, reaching for the salvation that she is.
She drops her gaze first. Her fingers twist together again, and I watch the conflict move across her face before she speaks.
“I… I need to be honest.” She takes a shaky breath. “I’ve been worried about Sara. That’s why I’m here following you. I thought… I thought maybe she was in danger.”
I suspected she had a theory, some schoolteacher’s hunch about me being a shitty guardian. But danger?
She must read the shock on my face because her eyes go wide. Her shoulders hunch up, seemingly bracing for me to explode, and that look, it puts a knife in me.
I step back without thinking.
I don’t want that on her face. I don’t want her scared of me. “You think I’m a threat?”
She swallows. I watch the movement in her throat.
“I mean… don’t be angry. I sort of suspected you were a sexual predator.”
What the fuck? Of all things imaginable, a sexual predator? Is she for real?
Just as I’m processing the blow, it dawns on me. She’s scared shitless, it’s obvious, and yet she followed me. Alone. She followed me because she believed I was a predator and she thought Sara was in danger. It’s more than I expected from a new teacher. It’s more than most people would do, period.
I drag a breath, releasing it slow. My jaw is tight enough to ache, and I force it loose.
“I can’t blame you, I guess,” I say, meeting her gaze. “And I’m sorry for what I said earlier. I was out of line.” I hold it there for a beat. Let her see that I mean the apology. “But I swear, on everything I’ve got left, I won’t ever hurt Sara. She’s all I have of Simon. I’d lay down my life for that girl.”
Her face crumples a little. I catch the flicker of guilt before she lowers her eyes.
“I-I didn’t mean to assume the worst. I just… I saw things, and I got worried, and I didn’t know what else to do.” She stammers, the words tumbling out in a rush. Her gaze lifts again, landing onmy mouth for half a second. Maybe it’s the unexpected concern for Sara, but the blood pumping in my veins sets off a drumbeat. My pulse is in my ears, in my throat, in my teeth.
I move closer without thinking, closing the gap until I’m right in her face, close enough to smell her shampoo.
The magnetic pull dragging me to her since that first moment, it’s impossible to resist now. She’s everything I shouldn’t want, everything that I could break. But the last thread of my control snaps, and there’s nothing left holding me back now.
“You shouldn’t be here,” I rasp, my voice low and jagged. “You shouldn’t be anywhere near a man like me.”
The words are supposed to be a warning, but they sound hollow, because even as I say them, my hands are already moving. I drop my cut to the ground and grab her jaw. I tilt her face up, and then my mouth crashes into hers. It’s hunger and heat and desperation I can’t rein in.
I’m lost, drowning, forgetting every damn reason this is wrong.
9
Thea
KILIAN’S MOUTH CRASHES into mine, and my brain blanks.
Not a slow drift into sleep, but a blackout. Every light, every hum, every background noise suddenly gone.
