I’ve been carrying this for more than three years. Treating it as penance, because holding onto the guilt was the only way any of it made sense.
Am I disrespecting Simon?
The thought lands in the same place as the weight, and I don’t know what to do with it.
12
Thea
THE LAST BELL of the school year rang fifteen minutes ago, and I’m sitting in the faculty room with an empty cup of instant coffee in my hand, watching the playground through the window.
Most of the kids are still outside. The pickup rush hasn’t fully cleared, and the ones left behind are doing whatever theywant. A group of boys chasing a ball, a few hanging off the monkey bars. They’re doing whatever theyenjoydoing.
And that’s the thing.
That’s the whole thing I could never explain to my parents.
They looked at my test scores and decided my future for me. Nobody bothered asking me if it was okay with that.
So I became that person.
The one who stands in front of kids and tells them we don’t all have to be doctors or lawyers. That it’s perfectly okay to suck at math, that we need people who write stories and paint pictures and build things with their hands just as much. I wanted to be the person who askedWhat makes you happy? What do you love doing?before askingWhat are you good at?
That’s why I’m here.
That’s why I packed my bags and came into these mountains for a two-month emergency maternity cover position.
I really am going to miss this place.
“Miss Walsh?”
The principal is standing in the doorway with her reading glasses pushed up into her silver hair and gestures for me toward her office.
I toss the paper cup into the trash and follow her.
She hasn’t said anything until we’re inside her office and she’s closed the door.
“I heard from Mrs. Leyton.” She glances up at me over the folder in her hands. “Her husband’s been transferred for work, and she’s decided to resign.”
I nod.
“Which means that a permanent teaching position is open.” She closes the folder and folds her hands on top of it, offering me the smallest of a smile. “You’ve done excellent work this term, Thea. The kids respond to you. The parents have had positive things to say. I’d love to offer you this permanent position, if you’re interested.”
Surprise isn’t exactly the words for what I feel, more the weight of a thing I wanted becoming real. More like relief than anything else..
“I’m interested,” I say. “Very interested.”
“Wonderful.” She nods. “Take the break to think it over formally.”
I thank her and leave her office, and in the hallway I stop and press my back against the red bricks and close my eyes.
Permanent position.
This is what I’ve been silently praying for. I cannot imagine leaving this place. I cannot imagine being somewhere he isn’t.
When I walk out of the building, the first thing I see is Kilian. Waiting for me.
He leans against his Harley near the gate, his leather cut over a plain black shirt. He’s talking to Ronan, and his red beard. Sara stands between them.
