After I sat down, she picked up a stack of documents and placed half of them in front of me.
I felt overwhelmed all over again.
What am I getting myself into?
The double doors opened once more, and Leiyah walked in carrying three bottles of water. She handed one to me, gave one to Tina, and held onto the other one as she took a seat at the head of the table.
Leiyah smiled. “All right, Ember. Shall we start?” She picked up a thick black folder that was in front of her.
“Yes, we can. I’m ready,” I told her.
My hands were shaking under the table. I knew damn well I wasn’t ready for this shit at all.
Hours later, I left the agency carrying more than I knew how to handle. On the passenger seat, next to my purse, was a pile of stapled documents with medical release forms to obtain my health history, details about previous pregnancies, annualcheckups, pap smears, STD screenings, and my blood type. It felt like my entire body and my past were laid out on those papers.
They gave me personal copies of the paperwork to review and better understand the process. Out of everything, three of the questions stuck with me long after the meeting was over. How many babies I would be comfortable carrying, whether I would agree to termination if the intended parents requested it, and if I would be okay using my egg if needed.
Those questions replayed in my mind repeatedly.Carrying multiple babies. Abortion.Being the biological mother to a child who technically wouldn’t be mine.Were those real options?
Tina and Leiyah explained that the agency’s job was to connect surrogates with potential parents and manage every part of the process. Including medical, financial, legal, and psychological evaluations.
This was all too much. I tried to wrap my head around how serious this journey actually was. This wasn’t just helping a family have a baby. Along with the contracts I had to sign, it seemed like the couple would have control over me the entire time I carried their child.
I drove home with my radio off. I needed complete silence to process what the hell I had just agreed to do.
CHAPTER 12
REASON
“Really, Reason?” Saje’s confusion seeped through her pores.
“Yeah, baby. I told you I would handle it. And due to our…” I stopped. Saje was still sensitive about the news she received weeks ago, so I made it a habit to be more considerate. “You know, due to our circumstances, I thought a surrogate would be the best fit for us.”
“A surrogate, Reason?” Now she was fuming. There were no sweet pet names she usually called me; it was straight government name coming out of her mouth. “Does this mean you’ll be fuckin’ another bitch?”
“Hell nah!”
I had to control my own anger that was brewing. “Baby.” I inhaled deeply. I hated that the first thing she thought about was me fucking someone else. “If sleeping with another woman was theonlyway for us to have a baby, I promise I would dead my dream of becoming a father without hesitation.” It was the truth; I would never do anything that would fuck with her sanity or jeopardize our marriage.
If reassurance was what she needed to calm her down, I didn’t have a problem doing it.
She flung her arms across her chest and pouted as she peered at me. “Where did all of this come from? I literally told you not that long ago I can’t carry a child, and now you’re suddenly mentioning getting a surrogate.”
“I ain’t gon’ lie, Saje. The shit sounded bizarre to me too when Basheer first brought it up.”
Her eyebrows rose. “Basheer?” She moved her hands down to her hips. “Reason St. Pierre! Please don’t tell me you’re going around sharing my infertility issues with your damn friends!”
“Come on, Saje. You know me better than that.” My jaw twitched as I narrowed my eyes. Saje was asking me questions like she didn’t know me. Like I was a stranger she’d just met and was still getting to know.
“At this point, it seems like I don’t even know you,” she spat.
She was exaggerating now, and I couldn’t figure out why. Maybe it was because she was stressed about not physically being able to give me the one thing I’ve been wanting. Maybe it was because the thought of someone else carrying our child didn’t sit well with her. Or maybe the confident woman I’d known her to be had developed new insecurities. I didn’t know how she truly felt, but I would help her get through whatever it was, the best way I could.
“Baby, there’s a lot of emotions flying around. And I can’t imagine all that’s going through your mind or heart, but don’t question me when it comes to you. I’m always gon’ have your best interests… our best interests. Everything I do is with you in mind.”
Saje sat on our bed and gazed out the window.
I joined her. “You hear me, Saje?”
