What is happening?One minute I was on a mountain of pleasure, and now I felt a meltdown coming on strong. It felt like every past emotion I once swept under the rug was now coming to the surface.
I thought about every ‘L’ I’d taken, my parents’ absence, my aunt’s departure from this world, feeling abandoned by my cousins, Rhema’s father, and the guilt I felt from once loving Shane. He was a nigga who had no business having access to my heart.
I continued to sit on the shower seat longer than I expected, crying my eyes and heart out.
I gotta stop. This isn’t good for their baby.
My sadness wasn’t fair to the baby. I was getting paid to provide a happy and safe environment for their developing fetus. I would have enough time to cry this shit out after their little one was born. Then, I could start my healing journey. But, for now, I had to put my emotions on the back burner.
After getting myself together, I got out of the shower, got comfortable, and went to make a fruit salad. I wanted to relax until it was time for Rhema to come home. Cassie offered to get her from class for me so I wouldn’t have to leave the condo. I eagerly accepted her offer, especially after that orgasm. A nap was needed until my daughter got here.
As I ate my fruit salad, my eyes got heavy, and not long after taking my last bite, I drifted off to sleep.
CHAPTER 25
REASON
Eventually, people bend the rules when money is involved. That was the case with Nehemiah and Amara. It took some convincing, and a few thousand dollars later, Basheer told me the surrogate would attend the gender reveal under one condition. She didn’t ask for more money or anything materialistic. All she wanted was for her daughter to be with her, which I had no problem with. It made me have mad respect for a woman I didn’t know.
Saje’s reaction, on the other hand, was the opposite of mine. Lately, she had a problem with everything, and this situation was just another thing added to the list. Our conversation, or should I say, argument, replayed in my mind like it happened yesterday instead of just days ago.
“Reason, why the fuck would she want to bring her child like we’re one big, happy family? We don’t know this lady, and she doesn't know us.” She leaned against our glass dresser with her arms folded across her chest. “It’s all business, nothing else!” She uncrossed her arms and began tossing around everything in sight, then she paced back and forth.
“Saje, stop overreacting. We don’t know this woman’s situation. I’m sure there’s a valid reason why she wants herdaughter to be with her. What if she can’t find someone to watch her while she travels?”
Saje glared at me, nose flaring, and her chest heaved rapidly up and down. “That’s not our fuckin’ problem. Are we the fuckin’ help? That’s why we gave the bitch one hundred thousand dollars.” A light sprinkle of spit flew out of her mouth. “You’re telling me you don’t think she could pay someone to watch her kid?”
I stood up, still looking at her, feeling the muscles in my jaw flex. “You’re being irrational. Saje, listen to the shit you’re saying?”
“Reason, I don’t give a shit about what the fuck I'm saying. She doesn’t need to bring her damn child. Actually, I don’t even think it’s necessary for us to meet her. I only agreed to that bullshit because you wouldn’t shut up about it.”
My eyes pierced Saje like she had lost her muthafuckin’ mind. “What the fuck done got into you?” I moved closer, getting in her face. The way she was acting didn’t make sense to me. All this because the surrogate wanted to have her daughter with her.
“Saje…”
“Saje, nothing,” she interrupted.
I slammed Saje onto the bed, surprising her and myself. “Shut the fuck up.” I was never aggressive with her unless I was drilling her insides. “This woman is helping us bring our firstborn into this world. The least we can do is grant her the simple request to bring her child.”
I had Saje pinned down, staring into her eyes. She turned away from my gaze with her face made up. I bet she wasn’t going to say shit else.
“I don’t know what’s going on with you besides what I already know. And I’ve given you grace and have tried to be understanding of your situation. But I’m not accepting the wayyou tryna go hard on a woman who is risking her life to create life.”
Saje pulled her lips in tightly, like she was trying her hardest not to say anything.
I continued. “I’m going to give you more time to process this, but I’m moving forward with the gender reveal. I gave you plenty of chances to tell me you didn’t want to do this, and each time you said, ‘Go ahead,’ and that’s what I’m gon’ do. I’ma hit up Nehemiah or Amara and let them know the woman can bring her daughter.”
I loosened my grip on her arms when I felt her shifting uncomfortably under me. I wasn’t trying to hurt her; I just wanted to get through to her. And it seemed like this was the only way.
“I’ll give you a choice to attend the gender reveal or not, but you are going to respect whoever is in attendance. If you know you can’t do that, then you don’t gotta be there.”
It hurt me like hell to tell my wife that because we were supposed to be in this together. But she was acting like she wanted no parts of this process. Maybe I was crazy to think we were on the same page.
Deep down, I wanted to be wrong, but only time would tell.
I released Saje and got off the bed. She took the opportunity to hop off our bed and run out of our room in tears.
The memory of this moment had me in my head. Though it had been days since, I still felt the effects of the argument, and since then, Saje had been avoiding me.
