“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Tattoos asked. Her hands balled into fists by her sides, but she didn’t look to James like the kind of person to get physical. Dutch Braids, on the other hand, looked like a fighter.
“Uh, only the biggest fucking creator on YouTube,” Ryan said.
“Duh,” one of the camera men said.
“Only because your audience is toddlers on iPads who accidentally find you after their cartoons end,” James said, stepping forward.
Ryan only took a moment to recognize James before turning to the camera with a shit eating grin.
“Well, well, look who it is. Grandpa James is on Island X, too! What are you gonna do, Grandpa? You gonna pull a quarter out of my ear?”
Ryan stuck his thumb in his mouth like a baby and made direct, malicious eye contact with James, who stepped toward him until they were almost chest to chest. Ryan stood a good six inches shorter than James and needed to look up to maintain eye contact.
“Aw, you trying to intimidate me? Or kiss me? I bet your viewers would like if you gave me just a little peck on my forehead like my Pap Pap.”
Ryan’s cronies snickered.
“Your pranks aren’t funny, Ryan. Your jokes aren’t funny. You aren’t funny.”
“So, it must be my ten million subscribers who are wrong,” Ryan said.
“No one here thinks you’re funny,” Dutch Braids said. She still fumed but stopped trying to get the sand off her and maintain some of her dignity. The tiny grains continued to loosen with each movement.
Daze finally stood and faced Ryan, still hopelessly covered in a thick layer of white crystals.
“Aw, you don’t think I’m funny? I guess I should just go cry about it in my private villa and wipe my ass with some hundred-dollar bills,” Ryan said, but he faced directly into his friend’s camera as he spoke.
He turned back to James, croaking a laugh like a bullfrog with his tongue sticking out. James thought that Ryan might lick him, but Ryan put his tongue away and grinned again.
“I would hold onto your money. You’re going to need it to replace your phone,” James said, holding up an iPhone in his left hand.
For the first time, real emotion ran over Ryan’s face, first confusion, then surprise as he patted the right pocket of his dark blue board shorts and found it empty. James only allowed him enough time to confirm that it was, in fact, Ryan’s own phone before he took two quick steps back and frisbeed the phone into the ocean. Ryan’s face went pale with disbelief, and his friends mirrored his expression as they stood with their mouths open. He turned red with anger and faced James.
“What the fuck!” Ryan shouted.
“You fucking deserved it,” Daze said.
Ryan’s face turned from James to her and back again. For a moment James thought that Ryan might actually step forward and start throwing hands, he looked so angry. Then Ryan’s eyes flicked to a pair of wide-shouldered security guards with yellow vests and black shirts that hugged their biceps walking down the beach toward them. James thought Ryan to be the kind of rich white kid to tattle to authority to save his skin, but to his surprise Ryan just stormed past him toward the ocean to retrieve his phone.
“Put it in some rice!” James shouted at Ryan’s back.
Ryan gave him the middle finger but didn’t turn around. The twoboyswith Ryan put their devices away and walked past James and the women to help their friend locate his phone.
“Asshole,” muttered one of them as they passed.
“Your friend is the asshole,” Daze said. Her voice clipped with anger and humiliation. She picked up her towel, which remained irredeemably covered with sand even as she tried to shake it out. Her friends gave halfhearted efforts to wipe the grains off her shoulders and back and gathered their own towels.
“Thanks for giving that asshole what he deserved,” Tattoos said to James.
“Yeah, that was a pretty neat trick you pulled there,” Dutch Braids said.
“Well,” he shrugged, trying to stay humble. “Tricks are what pays the bills. I’m a magician.”
All three of the women widened their eyes. James could almost hear what they were trying to ask one another telepathically.
“For real?” Daze asked.
“Yeah,” James said. He was used to this kind of response and was hoping he could turn it around like he usually did and make a video out of it.
