“Why is she rushing? She gonna be late or something?” I ask.
“Nah.” He rubs the back of his neck. “She wants to get tocampus with lots of time to spare in case some random, unforeseen thing happens that could possibly make her late. Also, she anxiety pees like three times before every final, so she hangs out near the bathroom for about fifteen minutes because she doesn’t want to have to go in the middle of the test.”
“Huh. That’s . . . weird.”
He shrugs. “Seems to run in your family. You ready for your final exam? You really haven’t been around much lately.”
I follow him down the stairs to the kitchen. The front door slams shut, indicating that Lavender is gone, and it’s just the two of us.
“I saw you yesterday at hockey practice,” I tell him. The season is over, but it doesn’t mean we don’t make the most of ice time when it’s available. There were some rumblings about what happened in the parking lot after the game when Gabriel showed up, but I dispelled the rumors, saying some drunk dude was getting out of hand. No one pushed it or questioned it, so I let it be.
“I mean outside of hockey.” Kody grabs a box of cereal from the cupboard and the jug of milk from the fridge, setting them both on the table. “For the past couple of weeks, every time I knock on your bedroom door, no one answers. I was kinda hoping we’d get to hang out a bit more since Lavender and I are basically jumping on a plane right after convocation.” He opens another cabinet and retrieves two bowls, passing me one.
I grab two spoons, and we take a seat across from each other. “I’m sorry, man. It hasn’t been intentional. I’ve been juggling a lot with classes, the gym, and hockey. Why don’t we hang out after our exams today?”
I grab the box of Harvest Crunch, and Kody goes for Life. Clover has to work all day, and she’s clearing out her office—not that she’s accumulated all that much since she’s only been here a year. Since that last showdown with Gabriel, I’ve beenoff the grid, and Kody and I haven’t had much time together outside of hockey. He’s leaving for the summer tomorrow, and then who the hell knows how often we’ll see each other after that. Unless one of us has our rights traded so we end up on the same team—I still like to fantasize about that sometimes, even though the odds are slim.
His eyes flare, like he’s shocked I would suggest we hang out. “Yeah. That would be great. Wanna grab lunch at the campus bar? I should be wrapped up by eleven thirty. What time is your last exam?”
“Starts at nine thirty, so I should be done around the same time.”
“All right, cool.” Kody shovels in a mouthful of cereal.
“Cool,” I echo, and do the same. We both nod a bunch of times while chewing. “Why does this feel like we’re awkwardly making a date again?”
“Uh, I don’t know, but it does.” I can see he’s working up the nerve to say something. “I feel like there’s this divide I don’t know how to cross with you, and it keeps getting wider.”
I sigh, realizing we need to have this conversation and it probably should have happened long before now. “I’m not mad at you for dating Lavender. I knew it was going to happen. All of us have known it was coming.”
“But there’ssomething, Mav. If it’s not me and Lav, what is it?”
I lace my fingers behind my head. “It’s not you, man, it’s me.”
“This sounds like the beginning of a breakup speech.” Kody’s shoulders hunch forward, like I’ve physically harmed him.
I guess if that’s what he believes, I have. I need to fix that. “I’m not breaking up with you, asshole.” I smile but clear my throat. “When you and Lav finally got together,like we all knew you should be, I was relieved because you’d spent so much time beating yourself up over what happened.”
“And you didn’t?” Kody challenges.
I poke at my cereal. “I did. Sometimes I still do. But the point is, I knew when Lavender came here this year that you two were probably going to end up together. What I didn’t plan for was how hard it was going to be. You and I had three years of hockey and hanging out, and it felt like when we were kids—then it was gone. I knew it was coming, but I didn’t realize how lost I would end up feeling.”
Kody leans back in his chair, brow furrowed. “Lost how?”
“You’ve always known exactly where you were headed. You played hockey before you could walk. You knew it was going to be your thing.”
“You’ve been the same way.”
I shake my head. “It’s different for me. I play because it keeps me connected to the people I care about, like my dad and you. And it took the onus off River. Your whole life is mapped out for you and has been since you were a kid, and I’m not in the same place as you. That’s not your fault, but watching you and Lav this year, seeing you so sure of your future, it made me realize how unsure I am of my own.”
“You’ll get called up this year. There’s no way you won’t.”
“Maybe. Yeah. But what I’m saying is, I’ve probably been a shit best friend this year. And I’m really fucking sorry because it’s not about you or my sister, it’s just me, trying to figure shit out.”
“You haven’t been a shit best friend. You’re the reason Lavender and I are together at all,” he says with a conviction I envy.
“You’re together because you’re supposed to be. I just gave you a nudge in the right direction.”
“Gotta admit, when you said I should move in here, Iwasn’t sure how well that was going to go.” Kody pokes at his cereal with his spoon.
