“Iamokay with it.”
She climbs onto the counter, nabs a box of cereal, a bowl and a spoon, and crosses to the table, dropping into the chair across from me. “You two need to spend more time together. Without me around.”
“We play hockey together every day.” I can feel my ears going red, though, because this is the same conversation I had with BJ, and Lavender picking up on it too means I’m the common denominator in the problems here.
“That’s not the same. The whole team is there. He says you’re hardly around anymore. And every time he tries to do something with you, you bail on him.”
I’m about to argue, but then I realize hehasbeen making an effort. Like the other day when he asked if I wanted to have breakfast after our morning skate, and then I ended up blowing off our plans that afternoon. We were supposed to run drills in the backyard, but I wasn’t in the right headspace for it, and I couldn’t be honest about why. “It’s finals” is my lame excuse.
She pours cereal into her bowl and tops it with milk. “I get that maybe you two can’t talk about”—she makes sexual hand gestures—“or whatever anymore, because that would be really fucking weird, and we already have enough of that with Mom and Dad and the banana costumes and Gigi and her always giving me sex toys, but it doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t hang out together.” She pokes around in her bowl of cereal, dunking marshmallows. “If you’re upset that we’re dating, say something to him about it. Deal with it. He and River havemanaged their issues, as much as they can anyway. Punch each other in the kidneys if you need to but avoiding him and me isn’t going to fix the damn problem. Hemissesyou.” There’s a sadness in her eyes I don’t expect.
I frown. “He said that?”
“It’s been implied a lot lately. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Kodiak isn’t the most socially adept human being on the face of the planet. His friend group is pretty damn limited. And as much as I love him and love spending time with him, I need some balance too. And I actually can’t deal with the hockey talk.” She sighs. “So please, deal with whatever your feelings are and spend some time with your best friend so I don’t have to listen to a forty-five-minute breakdown after every single game.”
I make a face. “He does do that, doesn’t he?”
“Yeah. He does.” She rolls her eyes. “Most of the time I try to shut him up by sitting on his face, but it doesn’t always work.”
I choke on a mouthful of cereal, spraying it across the table and my notebook. “I did not need to know that, Lav.”
“Whatever. That’s for all the times I’ve had to deal with the sound of your flavor-of-the-month banshee-screaming her love of your cock when I’m forced to walk by your room. Although . . .” She lifts a finger. “I haven’t heard that for a while. Like, a really long while. So you’re either dating someone exceptionally quiet in bed, or you’re on a hiatus. Or whoever you’re seeing has her own place.”
I stuff more cereal into my mouth instead of answering.
“Orhis-theirown place,” she adds.
I give her a look.
“Just checking. River’s finally learning to accept himself. You never know.”
I’ve recently come to find out that Lav’s friendJosiah has been low-key sucking face with River for most of the semester. None of us was surprised to learn River was gay. It was the fact that he’d been secretly dating one of Lavender’s friends that was the shocker.
“Do you think he’ll come out to Mom and Dad over the holidays?”
Lavender lifts a shoulder and lets it fall. “I don’t know if he’s there yet. I guess we’ll have to wait and see, and give him some nudges to help him get there.”
She shoves her hand into the box of Lucky Charms and withdraws a handful, picking out the marshmallows and dropping them in her bowl. “Anyway, back to you and Kodiak needing to spend more time together. Last week, he made me put on goalie equipment so he had someone to practice with.”
“He lives with Quinn and BJ. Either of them can shoot the puck with him.”
“Eh.” Lavender makes a face. “I think you’re the only one who will put up with his super Type-A-ness. Anyway, over the holidays, you two need to spend some time together so I can hang out with Lovey and Lacey without it being awkward.”
“Why would it be awkward?”
“Because Kodiak has been tagging along on our girl adventures, and it’s hard to shop for some things when he’s with us. Plus, we can’t talk sex tips when he’s there either.”
“Right. Okay. Noted. Spend time with Kody over the holidays. Why isn’t he here right now?”
“Because he needs too many rewards when he’s studying, and I don’t want lockjaw or a broken vagina going into exams. You’re welcome for the overshare. I have several more years of this before we’re even Stephen.” She pushes back her chair and stands, ruffling my hair on her way past me. “Love youuuuu!” she shouts as she skips up the stairs.
I consider how absent I’ve been lately, the way I’ve beenbrushing off Kody, the way I’m always hoping no one’s around when I come home. Lavender’s right. I’ve been scarce.
Kody isn’t big on confrontation, especially when it comes to me. Mostly because he’s felt a lot of responsibility for how messed up Lavender was when they were kids.
Maybe we’re more alike than I thought.
My story isn’t due until tomorrow, but I want to hand it in early, if possible. So after I finish my read-through, I get myself together and head out. I don’t usually have much in the way of test anxiety, but today is different. Once this story is handed over, I’m in the final stretch of being Clover’s student. The invisible barrier that’s been between us in the form of her ethical dilemma should cease to exist soon. I’ve sent her an electronic copy, but I’m handing in a paper one as well. I have it time-stamped by the English office before I drop it in Clover’s mailbox.
