“How do you know that’s what girls do in university?” Dad asks.
I give my dad a look. “Leave it to you to get all territorial about Mom thirty years after the fact. You didn’t even know Mom back then. So what if she had a sugar daddy?” If I can defend my mom, I might get her to calm down.
She makes a gagging sound. “I never had a sugar daddy in university! As if I wanted to sleep with guys with saggy balls before I had the saggy boobs to match! But I had friends who did it.”
“Friends, huh?” Dad arches a brow and glances at her in the rearview mirror.
“Focus, Alex! We’re talking about our son and what happened in that parking lot.” She points at me.
“I’m not an escort, Mom. I don’t have time to fake-date people.”
“She’s a professor! How old is she?”
“She’s not even thirty. It’s not a big deal.”
“What does that mean? She’s twenty-nine? Professors aren’t that young.”
“She is.”
She slaps the center console. “You are twenty-one years old, Maverick Alexander Waters. You are supposed to be dating nineteen-year-old girls!” My mom’s voice is shrill. Her head is right beside mine, and she’s basically shouting in my ear.
“According to what freaking handbook?” I shift in my seatso I’m looking right at her. “I don’t know if you’re aware, but I’veneverdated a girl my own age, or younger. In high school, I dated girls who were at least the year above me, until I became a senior, and then I didn’t have a lot of options. Having a dick that’s like a third freaking arm scares the fuck out of high school girls, FYI.”
“He has a point, Vi,” Dad mutters.
“Why are you showing your dick to high school girls? That’s illegal!”
The shrillness isn’t abating.
I hold up a hand. “Calm down. I’m not showing my dick to high school girls. I’m just saying, when I was in high school, there was no way I was going to lose my virginity with someone who had zero dick experience. Like I wanted to scar some poor sophomore for life with this thing.” I point to my crotch.
I wish I could shut the fuck up about this, because it isn’t a conversation I want to have with my parents, but my mouth keeps moving, spouting nonsense.Thanks, Mom.
“You were having sex at fifteen?” My mother looks horrified.
“I was almost sixteen. And I’m a dude. I was basically a walking hormone from the time I got my first boner until . . . well, I still am. The point is, university girls are not my jam. They’re work and drama, and I don’t have time for that shit.”
“Your sister is a university girl, and she’s not drama,” Mom says pointedly.
“Really? Because if I’m remembering correctly, there was a viral picture of Lav on social media last semester wearing a white thong bikini in our backyard, and right before it was taken, she was flirting with the biggest dirtbag on the school hockey team. It’s a wonder she didn’t get an STI from standing next to him, he’s so dirty.”
My mom looks scandalized. “Why was Lavender talking tohim? And why didn’t you or your brother or your cousins, who I know for a fact are always at your place, do something about it?”
“Since when does Lavender have thong bikinis?” Dad interjects. “And why are you inviting dirtbags to your house when your sister is around? You’re the one who insisted she live with you in the first place!”
I close my eyes a moment. I probably should have left the dirtbag part out. “A few guys from the team were over, and the dirtbag invited himself. We were all keeping an eye on Lavender.” I turn back to Mom. “And we didn’t do anything because she was trying to piss Kody off, and it worked since he was the one who turned into a caveman and carried her inside. Now everything is fucking sunshine and rainbows with those two, so you’re welcome for that.”
Mom purses her lips.
I cross my arms. “I’m not apologizing for swearing. I’m a grown-ass man.”
“Grown-ass men don’t sleep with other men’s wives!” she shouts.
“Yes, they do! All the damn time.”
“Just because someone else is doing it doesn’t mean you should too,” she fires back.
I suppress an eye roll. “She handed him divorce papers in August, and they’d already been separated for a year. He’s refusing to sign. They’re only still married because he’s a delusional jackass.”
