Babe. Okay, then. Jesse gave his arm a squeeze as he pulled his cell out of his back pocket.
“We’ll talk over dinner. Just…” Jess waved his phone.
“Nah, go find Abel if that’s so important.” I took a squat at the island, tossing my leg over the stool as if I were climbing onto the back of a bull. Old habits died hard. Jesse wandered off for some privacy. Lucas poured me a cup of coffee, smiling softly at me as he handed it over. “So, you and my brother seem tight.”
I didn’t add the question mark. The homey ambiance combined with the genteel lover’s moments told me all I needed to know.
“Yeah.”
“Right.” I blew over my coffee as Lucas returned to fixing their dinner. Jesse returned after a few minutes, looking harried but not manic.
“Olivia says he’s home,” Jesse said. “I guess he wanted to drive out to the dude ranch cabins across Snow Creek.”
“He do that a lot?” They both turned to look at me after shoving the roast into the oven, the pan filled with beef, onions, carrots, and taters. “Blink in and out of the present? What’s happening? What am I missing?”
“Come on, let’s get comfortable. The roast will be a bit,” Lucas chimed in, taking Jesse by the hand. I followed the two lovers with my coffee like a well-trained pup, into the living room with the candles and throw rugs. I sat alone on a hassock the size of a Shetland pony while they dropped into a plush sofa.
“So…” I prompted, sitting back after loosening the sling. Jesse arched a brow. “It’s annoying. So…”
“How much do you know about what happened to Barrett? Like, has anyone told you?”
“No one is saying shit to me,” I grumbled then shrugged. “I just know from the message you sent me that he had a heart attack.”
“So you got the message then?” Jesse snapped and rightfully so. I was shit when it came to replying to people. Even the people who mattered most. Maybe I should work on that.
“Yeah, but I was on the road and…” I huffed out a breath.
“I’d sent a message to the only number I had, not even knowing if it would reach you. I didn’t know if you still used that phone or not. When nothing came back, I let myself believe it meant you didn’t want it. Didn’t care.”
“No, no, that was…” I forced myself to meet my brother’s gaze. “I cared. I care.”
Jesse stared hard then lowered his sight to his hands that were wrapped around his coffee mug.
“Then Dad got bad. Fast.” He sighed. “And every day after that has been taken up with managing him, watching him, chasing him down when he wanders off. Reaching out again felt like something I’d already missed my chance to do.” Yeah, I knew that feeling. The emptiness of missing your chance to connect. “There was a fire in the barn. Dad was…he’d lit an oil lamp. Not sure why. We think he maybe was drunk. Barrett went in and pulled him out but he had the heart attack right in front of the barn. Widow maker. Gone in seconds.”
“Fuck, that’s rough.” I looked to Lucas. “I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you,” Lucas said, his voice gruff. “I wasn’t close to him.”
I nodded. I knew how that rolled all too well.
Silence fell over us. “And you inherited the ranch,” I prompted because the quiet allowed too many memories to take root. “What happened to Abel being foreman?”
“We don’t know completely how but there was a beam and…well, they wrote that he suffered a traumatic brain injury. There was a ton of rehab. A lot of walking around the edges of things that no one wanted to name.”
I winced. “Shit, Jesse, I’m sorry you had to deal with that alone. I should have been here for you.” I took care not to say for the old man because the love I had for Abel fit in a thimble. And now I knew he was in this state I was starting to feel like the biggest prick in the world but then again hehadbeaten me then kicked me out so should I feel anything but animosity towards him?
“I could have called you if I needed help. I was okay, and I don’t need some hero bull rider being all valiant and sacrificing his career to rescue his little brother. I’m not a fucking kid.”
Wow. Holy shit. That one hit dead-center. The room was so still I could hear the timer in the kitchen.
“Sure, sorry,” I muttered. “I didn’t mean that.”
Jesse flattened like a popped balloon. “I know you didn’t. I just take things to heart.”
“Always did,” I slipped in and got a weary little twist of his lips. Lucas took his hand and gave it a soft squeeze. That made me real happy. Jesse deserved a good person in his life.
“He lives in town now. Olivia Descout, who lives in the same house, the apartment next door, watches out for him. When she can. Sometimes he forgets where he is. Some days when he’s really lost he thinks this place still needs him. Thinks he’s late for work. That’s when he drives out here and causes trouble.”
