“Because it’s what you do when someone dies, Hoyt.”
“Hmm, well, I figure if someone treats you like shit when they’re alive why the fuck should we go out of our way to do some grand final gesture. That’s just us lying to save face with the town, you know?”
His huff was huge. “Hoyt, I just want to do this for him and I don’t want him on Snow Creek Ranch property.”
“You ask me we should dump his ashes in the chicken pen and let the rooster shit on him. That feels fitting.”
“Uhm hey,” Aubrey whispered, tapping at my knee with his foot. “You’re welcome to sprinkle his ashes here on my property. I have some nice trees out back. It’s not as grand as Pike’s Peak but you and Jesse can come visit him at any time.” I blinked. “Just a suggestion. If you want to take him somewhere with some meaning…”
“There is no place with meaning other than carting his ashes down to hell in a rusty wheelbarrow then dusting the devil’s ball with them,” I said then leaned over to kiss his lips. “I’ll tell Jesse.”
So I did, and amazingly, for once, we agreed on this thing for Abel. This was a nice compromise. Private land, a nice copse with trees, maybe we could plant a fucking bush or something. Only plant I could think of that would express Abel Knox well was poison ivy but Aubrey would probably prefer a rose bush. Whatever. I was doing this for Jesse. I’d do anything for him. Abel had stopped being my dad the day he’d turned me out. But for Jesse I would do this because that was how much I loved my little brother.
Memorial Day.
For me, in the past, that holiday would have been me on the road at a large major rodeo or stampede, climbing onto the back of a bull for hopefully eight seconds.
This year the day of remembrance for U.S. military who lost their lives in service was starting off with a funeral of sorts. Maybe a sending-off service would be a more fitting term. I doubted there would be fond stories told over the pink rose bush Aubrey had found withering away at the grocery store. He’d adopted it instantly, fussing over the little plant just like he did the chickens, the cats—yes cats plural—as he’d found a scrawny kitten eating lasagna out of a dumpster behind the bookshop five days ago. Kind of like he had taken me into his heart and home to nourish me with his boundless love.
Yeah, I was smitten. As was the new kitten, even if Aubrey had given him a flea bath on his arrival. Orlando was a gray and white fluffball Ruggerio had taken to instantly much like I had with Aubrey.
“Tie or not?” Aubrey asked, breaking into my spaced-out stare fest with myself in the bathroom mirror. He came in behind me, wearing a black suit with skinny trousers that left little to the imagination, a demure lilac shirt, and a slim ebony tie. Loafers with no socks completed his ensemble. And I was here in a western shirt and jeans. No socks or boots, just a shirt and pants. Was I dreading this upcoming ceremony? Hell yes. He held up two of his own over my right shoulder. “Since your shirt is this lovely blue chambray I think the dark gray would work well. But the burgundy is nice too.”
“Gray,” I replied, pulling the comb through my hair one final time before turning to him.
“Gray it is.” With flair for ties I did not possess he tucked the silken length under my collar as his eyes met mine. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, it’s fine. I’m good.”
He seemed dubious. “Well, you don’t have to do anything you don’t feel is genuine. It’s just us and your brother and Lucas. No one will judge you.”
I bent down slightly as he began creating a perfect Windsor knot. “I don’t think I ever told you the dirty details of why Abel threw me off the ranch.”
His fingers paused as his gaze softened. “No, not all the gory details, and I don’t require them. I’ve knitted together a rather sad blanket of tidbits and mentions from you and Jesse that explain what took place in your family, not just on that night, but for years.”
“I should tell you. I want to tell you.” I sighed. “I think I’m scared to lay all of that shit out because you’ll see what damaged goods I am then tell me to fuck off.”
“Never.” He released one end of the tie to pat my chest. “If anyone should hit the trail it should be you. I’m not exactly the warmest or most sensual person. My baggage could fill the hold of a 747 and I’m a nervous talker. All things that most men tend to?—”
I pressed my lips to his to stall that talk. “Most men aren’t me. I love all those things about you, Aubrey. I think you are one of the warmest most loving men I have ever met. We’re plenty sexual for me. I love all of you. Everything, the chatter, the frets, the way you fuss over me like a mother hen. I love it. I love you.”
“Oh, Hoyt,” he whispered, his brown eyes filling with tears. The tie was forgotten for a moment as he rose to his toes to kiss me with a fiery passion that lit me up like one of the bigfireworks the town of Chance would be setting off tonight. “I…I love you too. Madly!”
“Then we’re good, yeah?”
“Yes, yes, so good.” He wiped at his cheeks with the tips of his fingers while my hands rested on his slim hips. “Lordy, I’m all a flutter. Okay.” He drew in a shaky breath before giving me a wobbly smile. “Let’s get this tie done. Your brother will be here soon. Do you want a rainbow tie tac like I wear?”
“Oh, uhm…”
“No pressure. I just thought I would ask. I have all kinds of pins laid out, one for every day since Pride begins tomorrow. I can pluck one out for you if you’re comfortable?”
“Never did Pride before.” His face fell. “No, it’s not…don’t be sad over that, baby. Just seemed a thing to avoid since I was playing the role of a badass cowboy who didn’t go in for all that rainbow shit. Guess I was scared someone would think I was an ally or even worse, queer, and that would be the end of my career. So yeah, I can do the flag on the tie. Might even put it on my hat when we go to the town picnic and fireworks tonight. Would you be okay with that? Maybe even holding hands in front of all of Chance?”
“I would love it! Oh, my gods, you are so brave, Hoyt Knox. I love you!” He peppered my face with kisses until the knock at the front door got him moving out of my arms. Hated to let him go but there were ashes to chuck into the brisk winds. I did my best to finish up my tie, ambling out to the living room to find Jesse and Lucas petting the cats. Jesse looked up when I entered. We both snickered at the fact we were dressed identically.
“Go figure,” Jesse said as he passed the urn to me. I didn’t want it but I took it, turned, got pinned by Aubrey, and then we made our way to the backyard. The sickly rose bush was waiting for us, being freshly planted, watered, and fertilized it did seem a bit more perky. The area had been raked just yesterday, clearedof sticks and such, and a small bronze horse Abel had had sitting on a shelf at his house had been placed in front of the bush.
Aubrey stood on my left, holding my journal, Jesse on my right, Lucas on his right.
