“Let me get us both a drink first. Vodka and Coke?”
That was probably a bad idea, but he nodded anyway. Derek left the living room. The house was in Highgate, so not too far from where Kieran was living. It was a Victorian house, but it had been modernised inside. The deep skirting boards and architraves had been kept. There were lots of greys and browns, as well as an open fire, which wasn’t on, but then it was July. The sofa was a big, squishy L-shape, and a gigantic TV dominated one wall. He noticed an air-conditioning unit on the wall, so Derek liked his modern comforts.
He walked back in and handed Kieran his drink. It looked like Derek had neat whiskey. Not something Kieran could drink after Carnage in his first year at med school. It was a bar crawl challenge in London, popular with medicalstudents. Moving from beer to shots, so he could get to the end in one piece, had been a mistake. He’d been violently ill for three days and hadn’t drunk whiskey since.
“Shall we sit down?” said Derek.
Kieran sat at the opposite end of the sofa from Derek. He wasn’t sure why, but given this would not be a pleasant conversation, he wanted to keep his distance. It wasn’t what he’d envisioned happening tonight, but he needed to know so he could hopefully put it all behind him.
“First, Kieran. I’m sorry for betraying your trust. I never expected her to react that way, but that still doesn’t excuse what I did.”
“I don’t really give a fuck if you’re sorry or not. I just want to know why. Was it all part of a plan to get me to admit it? Are you even bi?”
“Yes, Kieran, I’m bi. I was married to a guy before your mother, and she knew that from the beginning. I don’t keep things like that from my partners. It was never an issue between us. That’s why her reaction shocked me.”
“That still didn’t mean you could tell her.”
“I know that, Kieran. I’m not trying to justify anything here. It’s just to give you some context.”
“Fuck the context. Regardless of how she reacted. It’s my sexuality, and I get to decide when and who I come out to,” he shouted, unable to stop his voice cracking.
“She already knew, Kieran.”
“What?” He wasn’t sure he’d heard right.
“All she did was ask me to confirm it.”
“How did she know?”
“I’m not sure. She mentioned a guy called Fergus.”
The guy he’d lost his virginity to. But he’d been seventeen when that happened, not the eighteen he was when she’d booted him out.
“How long was it between youconfirmingher son wasqueer to when you pissed off somewhere while she booted me out?”
“I had no idea she was going to do that, Kieran. It was two weeks after I’d asked her to wait until you were ready to talk to her about it. She agreed. Then I was away when it happened. I didn’t know a thing until I came back and you were gone.”
“What did she say?”
Kieran noticed Derek’s eyes looked wet, and he shook his head, as if he didn’t want to share. That just made him angrier.
“Fine, do you want to know what she said to me?”
“I’m sure you’re going to tell me anyway.”
“No son of hers was going to be afucking pervert. She’d rather I was murdered than be queer, or that she could have done a test when she was pregnant and had me aborted. Then she’d made it clear that I was never to contact her or my sister ever again. I had an hour to pack up whatever I could and get out. I had to leave so much behind. She gave me a hundred quid and told me to get as far away from her as possible.”
“Where did you go?”
“Where do you think, Derek? I had a hundred quid, which got me into London and fed me for a few days.”
“A hundred quid? She said she’d given you ten grand. Kieran, if I’d known she’d kicked you out with nothing, I’d have tried to find you.”
Kieran wasn’t sure what to say to that. His emotions were battering him. He took a swig of his drink. Fuck – that was a strong vodka, but it hit the spot.
“I want to know what happened when you got back from your convenient business trip and I was gone.”
“It was a genuine trip, Kieran. I had no idea that’s what she was going to do. When I got back and she told me you’d gone, there was ten grand gone from our joint account. Itlined up with what she told me, but it didn’t matter... that was it for me.”
