Kieran had never felt like this with sex before. He’d always enjoyed it, but this felt like something more than just fucking. It tugged at his heart in a way he wasn’t expecting. Kieran hadn’t realised a part of himself had been missing, not just in the past few weeks, but for the last ten years. Derek had made him feel complete in a way he’d never experienced before. The emotions overwhelmed him, and before he could stop himself, he burst into tears.
CHAPTER 18
DEREK
Derek had thought this might happen. He eased himself gently out of Kieran and pulled the man into his arms as he sobbed. Derek felt himself choke up. He knew Kieran needed this, but part of him wished it hadn’t happened tonight when everything had been so perfect between them. He’d never felt this connection to someone else before. Vanilla sex rarely did it for him, but this had been special. If someone had asked him if he could ever be in a relationship that wasn’t as dom and sub, he would have given a resounding no. Now he knew that if Kieran wanted something outside of the lifestyle, he’d have no problem going all in. He’d always loved taking care of his partners and being protective of them, but with Kieran it was deeper than that. For Derek, Kieran’s happiness was all that mattered.
Kieran continued to sob on Derek’s chest. His warm tears dripped onto his skin. Having supported a couple of subs who’d experienced sexual assault from former partners, he knew some of them had a desire to get back out there as soon as possible. It wasn’t about sex, but their identity. This was who they were, and the predator had not just violated them, but damaged a fundamental part of their entire being. Derekcould be rough if that’s what his partner needed, but he was known on the scene as one of the most caring doms. Some of his network had recommended him to help subs who needed a safe pair of hands to get back into the scene when they were ready.
A common step in their recovery was releasing the pain they were holding onto. For most, it took a while, and a few sessions for them to break. It wasn’t what Derek intended to do, but it was inevitable after what they’d been through. The breakdown wasn’t only about what had happened to them, but about rediscovering the inherent part of themselves that had brought them so much pleasure and joy in the past.
The fact it was happening to Kieran the first time they’d made love– because that’s what it had been to Derek– was potentially a blessing and a curse. It was progress that Kieran was moving forward with his recovery, but what more could there be to come out? This was why Derek hadn’t wanted to do a scene with him. He wanted to get to know him this way first, before they explored that, in case his instinct was right and Kieran had entered the lifestyle as a coping mechanism, when what he really needed was someone to love him for who he was and not for how well he submitted to their needs and desires.
Derek knew he was falling fast, and it could be a disaster, but he couldn’t ignore this pull he had towards Kieran. Especially since he hadn’t felt something like this in a long time.
“Kieran, let’s have a shower,” he said.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled.
“What for?”
“Ruining things.”
“Look at me, Kieran.”
He shook his head.
“Look at me, Kieran.” He used his dom voice. It worked. “You have nothing to be sorry for. What we just shared was special. I’m sure you felt it too.”
Kieran nodded, his eyes watering.
“It’s completely natural to feel emotional after everything you’ve been through, especially when you’ve just experienced the best orgasm of your life.” He smiled, hoping to lighten things.
Kieran giggled, so it must have worked.
“Come with me.”
Derek kept hold of Kieran as he manoeuvred them off the bed, holding the man in his arms. He walked them into the bathroom, picked up a towel, and placed it on the toilet seat before putting Kieran down. Derek lifted Kieran’s chin and bent down to give him a gentle kiss before caressing his cheek and smiling at him. He was breathtakingly beautiful, especially like this– no sass, just the real Kieran.
He turned to get the shower started. It could probably hold two normal-sized guys, but Derek was not normal-sized. Kieran was smaller, though, so it would work for them. Once the water was at the right temperature, he held out his hand for Kieran, who stood up. He gently nudged Kieran to go in first, and he followed, getting them both under the hot spray. Derek knew he wouldn’t have a lot of time to get Kieran clean and into bed. He was already dead on his feet. All Derek wanted to do was hold him in his arms all night.
“What the fuck!” said Kieran.
They were having lunch at Knights Corner. It was the first time Kieran had been back in the city in weeks. It was October, and the temperature had dropped significantly. Autumn was here, but Derek wasn’t giving up his polo shirts just yet. Kieran had fussed over him wearing a hoodie as well, which had been adorable, so he’d indulged him.
Over the past two weeks, since they’d first made love, they’d hardly spent a night apart. Kieran was more comfortable being in Derek’s house on his own, which meant hewould often get home from the club and find him tucked up in bed. Derek would have let him sleep, but Kieran loved being woken up, being rimmed and having his cock milked, before he crashed back out. On the nights Derek didn’t go into the club, Kieran always stayed over, and he took his time giving the man all the pleasure he deserved.
“What’s wrong?” asked Derek.
Kieran was looking at his phone in disbelief.
“I think I can answer that,” said Langdon, startling them both. “Can I sit down?”
Derek moved up inside the booth, and Langdon took a seat. They were both broad guys, so it would look comical to anyone watching that they were on one side, and skinny Kieran was on his own.
“Did some money just drop into your bank account?” asked Langdon.
Kieran nodded.
