“I’m not saying you should forgive him, Kieran.”
“I thought you’d be on my side,” he said, his voice cracking.
Hassan stood up. “I’m always on your side.”
He reached out for Kieran, who pulled his arm away. He downed the rest of the wine, left the glass on the table, and walked out, going to his bedroom door. It didn’t have a lock, but he hoped Hassan would respect his privacy. He knew Kieran better than anyone, and would know that he needed to be by himself right now. Derek and his mother had done somuch damage to him, and ten years later they were still causing him pain.
The flat was empty when he woke up. It was three o’clock in the afternoon, so he’d slept for almost four hours. He must have needed it. A message on his phone from Hassan said he’d gone to rejoin the others, but that Kieran needed to call when he was awake. He wouldn’t be doing that. He loved his best friend, who was more like a brother, but he didn’t want to talk about Derek anymore. Hassan didn’t believe in letting things fester, as it wasn’t healthy, and Kieran wondered why he’d chosen to work as an A&E doctor rather than a psychiatrist, which would be less stressful and pay more.
He opened the fridge, which was full of food, as their weekly shop had arrived the day before. There was so much choice that Kieran didn’t want any of it, so he ordered from a food app on his phone. He fancied a greasy burger and couldn’t be bothered to make one. Cooking burgers always made the flat stink for days, as it was one of those smells that lingered, and it never tasted the same as something that was full of preservatives and swimming in grease – delicious!
Once he’d ordered, he turned the shower on. He felt funky from sleeping in his clothes. What was he going to do with the rest of the day and night? The plan had been for him to be out until the early hours of the morning and hopefully get some action. It was Pride night and you couldn’t call yourself a real gay if you didn’t have a dick in one of your orifices before midnight. It was always trickier to pull, though, as people were out with their friend groups, or it was one of the few nights of the year when guys were faithful to their boyfriends. Not that he was stereotyping, but he’d heard enough stories from friends over the years to know it was the reality.
After getting clean, he pulled on some fresh sweats and aT-shirt. The food was only five minutes away, so he flopped down on the sofa and opened one of the hookup apps. There wouldn’t be many people online today, as everyone would be out at Pride, but you never knew. There could be some other sad fuckers sitting at home like him, and not everyone enjoyed the crowds. They could be overwhelming. A quick scan told him there was nothing around other than a few faceless torsos. He opened social media, and when scrolling, saw a picture of Milo and Edward kissing at the march. Kieran couldn’t help but smile. Not just for his friend’s happiness, but because Edward being so high profile would do a lot for visibility. Kieran would never openly admit that he liked the guy, although he was doubting his taste in friends. How the hell were he and Derek acquainted? He knew Derek was a lawyer, and Edward had been one before he was a politician, so that could be how they knew each other. But his best friend?
Kieran was tempted to look Derek up to see where he was working now, but was stopped from doing that by his food arriving. He dashed downstairs to the communal and was greeted by the delicious smell of his burger, and a guy who looked like he hated his entire existence. All Kieran could do was thank him, then double his tip on the app and give him five stars. Not bothering with crockery, he sat down on the sofa, unwrapped his burger, and bit into in. Delicious, but it needed more ketchup, which would involve getting back up, so he ate it as it was before demolishing the fries and chicken wings. Within five minutes, it was all gone. He let out an enormous burp, lying back on the sofa feeling stuffed. The app pinged, but that was the last thing on his mind now he was carrying a food baby. He looked at the phone out of curiosity. It was Domtop69.Maybe he wasn’t so full after all.
Kieran ached all over, and not in a good way. That the guy was basically a doppelgänger for Derek had thrown him a bit, especially given they both had similar tattoos. Kieran knew he had a type, which was a bit fucked up, but this was next level. He’d been too stunned to register what the guy had been saying, and before he knew it, he was being tied down to the bed.
He should have used his safe word, but he didn’t want to come across as pathetic. After their quick encounter in the hallway, Kieran had been expecting much of the same: a quick release. But Domtop69 had other ideas, and Kieran wasn’t sure he’d be able to sit down for a week. He’d been tied down and fucked until the guy was done with him, which hadn’t been until the morning. He needed to get a shower. The guy knew how to use his dick, and the degrading comments he’d been shouting at Kieran had done it for him. He knew the guy had tried to push his limits in other ways to test him, and he could have tapped out when he was uncomfortable, but he hadn’t because he’d been too in his head.
It was done with now, though. There was no point in having regrets about something he couldn’t change. It wasn’t the first time things had gone too far with a guy, but he’d used his safe word in the past, which had always been respected. There was a part of him that believed if he had used his safe word last night, the guy would have ignored him. One thing was for certain: he wouldn’t be seeing him again and had already blocked him on the app.
Walking into the flat, he’d known Hassan and Sarah were working, so he was shocked to see Milo waiting for him.
“How did you get in?” asked Kieran.
“Where have you been?” asked Milo at the same time.
“I asked first,” said Kieran.
“Hassan let me in to wait for you. He was worried that you hadn’t come home last night.”
“I just fucked some guy I met online and stayed over. What are you doing here, Milo?”
“Have you had any sleep, Kieran? You look a state.”
“I just need a shower and to crash out. Can we do this another time?”
“I thought we could talk.”
“If it’s about Derek, I’m not interested.”
“I just wondered how you knew him. Hassan wouldn’t say anything.”
Kieran smiled at the thought of his best friend protecting him. Did he want to tell Milo what an arsehole his boyfriend’s best friend was? Not really, but he knew Milo, and he might look like a chirpy twink, but he was anything but that.
“Remember what I told you happened when I came out?”
“Your mum kicked you out.”
“Yeah, but who was the one who told her?”
“Your stepdad.”
Kieran nodded and gave Milo a look.
“No fucking way! Derek is your stepdad?”
