My hands are shaking now. Blake reaches across the space between us and takes one of my hands in his, his palm warm and solid against mine.
"We had sex right there in my father's study," I say, the words tumbling out faster now. "The fireworks were so loud outside that no one heard us. It was desperate and passionate and completely wrong."
I take a deep breath.
"Afterward, we just stared at each other. The reality of what we'd done crashed over us. He tried to apologize, but I wouldn't let him. I told him not to regret it. Then I left the study and went back outside like nothing happened."
Blake squeezes my hand gently. "Did you see him again after that?"
"He tried to talk to me the next day. Called my cell phone a dozen times. But I couldn't face him. I was afraid he was going to say what we did was a mistake." I pull my hand back and wrap my arms around myself. "Then I realized I was late. I took three pregnancy tests. All positive."
The panic of that moment still lives in my chest. The way the bathroom floor tilted beneath me. The sound of my own breathing too loud in my ears.
"I was eighteen and pregnant with my father's best friend's baby. I couldn't tell anyone. Couldn't face the disappointment in my dad's eyes. The betrayal he'd feel." Tears blur my vision. "So I packed my bags and left, without a word to anyone. Until my mom caught me. She tried to talk me out of leaving, but in the end promised to keep my secret. She even gave me some money she'd had hidden for emergencies."
"You never told Jack," Blake says. It's not a question.
"How could I? He would have felt obligated to be with me. My father would have found out. Their friendship would have been destroyed. Jack's reputation, his career, everything would have been ruined." I wipe at my eyes with the back of my hand. "I thought I was protecting everyone by leaving."
"You were protecting everyone but yourself," Blake says quietly.
The truth of that statement hits me like a physical blow. "I left in the middle of the night. Drove to a different state. Got a job waitressing while I was pregnant. My mom sent money when she could, but I was mostly on my own."
I think about those early months. The morning sickness. The fear. The loneliness that felt like it would swallow me whole.
"I had the twins in a hospital three states away. Rory and Corey. They were so tiny and perfect and terrifying." A small smile crosses my face despite everything. "I looked at them and saw Jack in every feature. His eyes. His expressions. Even the way they moved their hands."
Blake leans back against the couch, processing everything I've told him. His brown eyes are thoughtful, not judgmental. "You raised them alone?"
I nodded. “I thought about calling Jack to let him know about the babies, but I chickened out. In my mind, it was better that he didn't know." I shake my head. "I got my teaching degree online while they were babies. Worked whatever jobs I could find. My mom visited a few times, but she had to lie to my dad about where she was going." The guilt of that still weighs on me. "She kept my secret for ten years. Lied to her husband every day."
"That must have been hard for her," Blake says.
"I could hear it in her voice every time we talked. But she did it anyway because she loved me and wanted to protect me." I meet his gaze. "Just like I was trying to protect everyone else."
Blake runs his hand through his sandy hair, making it stick up slightly. Even disheveled, he's sexy.
"So why come back now?" he asks. "After all this time?"
This is the part that breaks me. "My mom called. Said my dad has stage four pancreatic cancer. Six months, maybe less." My voice cracks. "He's dying, Blake. And I've wasted ten years being too scared to face him."
"That's why you took the job at Riverside Academy."
"I needed to be close. Needed to try to make amends before it's too late." I laugh bitterly. "I just didn't expect Jack to be the principal. Didn't expect to feel everything I felt ten years ago the moment I saw him again."
Blake stands and crosses to my chair, kneeling in front of me so we're eye level. His hands rest on my knees, warm and grounding.
"And you didn't expect to fall for two other men in the process," he says with a slight smile.
Despite everything, I laugh. "No. That definitely wasn't part of the plan."
"Does Jack suspect? About the twins?"
"He doesn't know I have children," I remind Blake. "But he is curious about these birthstones." I touch my necklace. "He's questioned me about it and is a little suspicious."
Blake's thumbs trace small circles on my knees, the touch both comforting and distracting. "What are you going to do?"
"I don't know." The admission feels like defeat. "I came back to reconcile with my father before he dies. But how do I tell him about the twins? How do I explain that his grandsons are the result of me sleeping with his best friend when I was barely legal?"
