A couple days later, I decide to leave home in the dead of the night. Lifting Mila out of her crib, I carry my sleeping baby to my mother’s room and set her down in the bassinet next to my mother’s bed. I watch them both for a couple of moments. They’re fast asleep, their expressions soft and serene.
They’re mine to protect. Before Mila was born, all I had was my mother and now my heart has grown three sizes. Mama will wake up in about an hour. She’s like a human alarm clock that rises at 6am and goes to sleep by 10pm. I only have about thirty minutes to leave before she wakes up and realizes I’m gone.
I hoist the backpack on my shoulders higher, chewing on my bottom lip as I consider my decision. I’ll only be gone for a night or two. I hate having to leave my baby and I hate that I’m leaving without telling my mother but I’m just trying to avoid an inevitable fight or argument.
I’ve been putting this off for months. But it’s time for me to head back to the city. I just need some information and I want to see if it would be possible for Mila and I to move there in a couple of months. Plus, I want to try and find a way to sell my songs.
To do that, I need to meet up with Carlos. He always used to pester me about having some contacts in the music world that could link me up with a good deal. I’m hoping that option is still on the table, because in the past year, I’ve not only been raising my daughter, but I’ve also written a lot, while taking an online course at the same time. I’m ready for the next step.
“Bye, Mimi. I’ll see you in a few days, my darling,” I whisper softly. “If you start walking or say your first word while I’m gone, I will never forgive you.”
Her soft breaths are all the reply I get but they’re more than enough. I press a quick kiss on her forehead before taking light steps backwards and out of my mother’s bedroom. Once I’m out of the house and in a bus headed to the city, I send her a text informing her that I’ll be back in two days or less.
She’ll undoubtedly be angry but I can deal with her anger once I get back. As soon as I arrive in the city, I book a cheap motel room and work on some assignments while listening to some recorded classes. Carlos already replied to my email asking for a meeting. He had sounded very vague and hesitant but had ultimately agreed to see me in a couple of hours later this evening.
By 5pm, I’m walking out of the motel. Something crawls up my spine as soon as I step outside. The feeling of being watched. I glance around, taking in the cars in the parking lot and the trees farther off but I don’t see anyone suspicious.
I’m probably just being paranoid.
A smile lights up on my face when I get to the park Carlos asked to meet up. He’s seated on a bench and I hurriedly walk over to him. He looks more or less the same with his grumpy smile and kind brown eyes. He’s wearing a long black coat and gloves, looking like he could be an extra in a Christopher Nolan movie.
I didn’t realize how much I missed him until I saw him again. He rises at my approach, a small smile on his face.
“Hey, Carlos,” I greet, giving him a quick hug. “You’ve aged a lot, grandpa.”
“And here you are getting younger. You look beautiful, Lily,” he returns, patting my back.
We take our seats and I notice him glancing around furtively.
“Is something wrong?”
He shakes his head, although it’s impossible to hide the worry in his eyes.
“Why didn’t we meet at the bar?” I ask. “I’ve missed that place. How’s everyone there? Bryan?”
Carlos’s expression turns pained, “Why are you back in the city, Lily?”
My lips turn down. I thought he’d be more happy to see me.
“I told you in the e-mail. I’m thinking of moving back. Plus, I need your contacts. I want to sell some of my songs,” I state. “You were right when you told me to push for my dreams back then. I even went back to college. I’m taking online courses. I finally figured out what I wanted, I want to be a songwriter.”
He offers me a small smile, “I’m proud that you’ve come to that realization, sport. But you can’t be a songwriter in this city.”
My heart falls, “Why not? What’s going on and what aren’t you telling me?”
Carlos sighs, running his hands over his face.
“You made the right decision to leave back then, Lily. I wish you’d never come back.”
“You’re scaring me,” I murmur.
“The bar’s gone, Liliana. There was a fire shortly after you left. It all burnt down.”
My hand flies to my mouth in shock, “Oh my God, I’m so sorry, Carlos.”
The news about the bar fills me with a wave of sadness. It was my first break, the first place that made me feel like I could be someone.
“It’s fine. I got an early start to retirement is all,” he tells me with a small wave.
