My breath hitches. “Like what?”
“Like you haven’t forgotten anything.” His voice drops. “Like you miss me.”
I should step back and laugh it off…hurry my ass back to the table. Instead I hold his gaze. “I think he may suspect.”
He exhales and runs a hand through his hair. “So you don’t deny it.”
I shake my head.
“Fuck, Lola. I don’t think I’ll ever understand?—”
He’s right about that. He’s right about everything. I’ve never stopped thinking about him, never stopped missing what we had together. And there’s no way he’deverunderstand why I left him and never looked back.
The air between us crackles, thick with everything we can’t say.
It’s cruel, knowing he’s still affected by me, maybe even wrecked over me, and feeling it light something inside me that’s been dim for too long.
I step closer, just enough that our breaths mingle. “I’m really glad I got to see you again.”
“But you’re saying goodbye again, aren’t you?” he counters.
Neither of us moves for a long second.
His eyes sayStay.
“I’m so sorry, Tully.” Then I turn, heels clicking softly on the wood floor. His stare heats my back the whole way.
It’s the second time I’ve apologized to him this weekend, but it needs to be the last, because I have to move on. Once and for all, for my heart’s sake, I must make peace with Tully being my past.
CHAPTER NINE
AND THEN SHE APPEARED
TULLY
Two weeks later
It’s been a jam-packed couple of weeks, which has been a good thing, since I’ve been unable to pull myself out of the pit left by seeing Lola again. So much for Operation Lola. The plan that caught fire and sizzled into the dirt before it could even roast a single marshmallow.
Ugh. Yeah. I’m in shit shape. Using marshmallows in my metaphors is a new low.
And now I have to be surrounded by romance and love and happiness for the weekend. It’s bad enough living in the glow of my siblings and their significant others. Milo is perfect for Goldie, and that was a tall order for me because no one is good enough for my sister. But they’re even better together. And we all knew that Camden and Juju belonged with each other. There’s no way I’m going to begrudge their joy when I’ve wanted them to be together forever. And we’re just getting to know Dahlia and her little girl Chloe, but Dylan is like a new man. He worships the ground they bothwalk on. I’m happy that they’ve found their soulmates, I really am, but it just makes it all the more glaringly obvious that the hole Lola left in me isn’t going to be filled anytime soon. If ever.
Nothing makes all of this more apparent than the reason I’ve flown all day and am now on a ferry. My college roommate Dax is getting married this weekend. The guy who existed on beer and one-night stands throughout our time at school. I never thought I’d see the day when he’d want to commit to one person for the rest of his life, but he met Skye and was all in.
The ferry rocks as it cuts through the gray water toward Nantucket. I lean on the rail, wind whipping my hoodie, and remind myself to enjoy this weekend. Fake it till I make it. Just because I want to smack romance with a baseball bat and see it go careening into outer space doesn’t mean I should begrudge someone else’s love story.
Training camp doesn’t start for another two weeks. I need to enjoy the time off before things get crazy again.
My phone buzzes, and I glance down to see a text from Daniel. I should tell my agent that I’m retiring after this season. I have to soon…should have already…but I just haven’t had the heart to. Daniel has been invested in my career from the very beginning—as an advisor throughout college, and then as my agent as soon as I graduated. He’s always had huge plans in mind for me. Plans that I’ve tried to play down when he brings them up, only for him to add more the next time we talk.
He’s not going to take my retirement well. At all.
The ferry docks. I grab my duffel, nod my thanks to the crew, and start the less-than-ten-minute walk to the hotel. Check-in is quick, and even though there’s a flare of recognition in the clerk’s eyes, she’s discreet and classy. My cottage is beautiful. On thephone earlier, Dax apologized that I’d be in the smallest cottage, but then added, “It’s technically the honeymoon suite, though, so if you meet someone in town, you’ve got a great place to bring her.” When I laughed, he said, “Always looking out for you, bro.”
He may have changed his ways for Skye, but he still assumes everyone else thinks like a player.
The lobby smells like salt and lavender and money. I drop my bag in the room, crack the window to let the breeze in, then head right back outside. I need to move after the long flight and ferry ride.
