I knew saying it out loud would make it too real.
Yes, I wanted him, the quiet intensity of his attention. The way he looked at me like I was something rare instead of something to manage. The rough edge in his voice when I surprised him. The feeling of his hands on me, careful and firm at the same time, as if he was holding himself back not because he lacked desire but because he had more than enough of it and wanted to be sure I never doubted I had a choice.
But underneath all of that was something else. I wanted this for myself. Not to please him, not to keep him. Because I wanted it. That was worth paying attention to.
Because if a twenty-three-year-old man wanted me the way Pietro seemed to and still hadn’t pushed for sex, it wasn’t because he wasn’t thinking about it. “I say you go for it,” Nora said with a shrug before shoveling more cereal into her mouth.
I frowned. “Go for what?”
She arched an eyebrow as she chewed.
“His dick.”
I choked on my own saliva.
Nora rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on. Maybe the guy’s trying not to freak you out. Maybe he’s from some weirdly traditional upbringing. Maybe he’s waiting for a sign that you’re actually ready and not going to bolt if he touches you for longer than thirty seconds.” She pointed her spoon at me. “Maybe you need to show him you’re open to getting some cardio in.”
I rolled my eyes but didn’t answer. In a way, what Nora was saying made sense. Especially with Pietro knowing at least someof the history with Adam, maybe he was waiting for me. Maybe I had to take the lead.
The only problem was that I had no idea how.
My only real relationship was with a man who took the lead in everything. What we did, where we went, how far things went, when they stopped. Even my own desire ended up feeling reactive instead of chosen.
I threw Nora a sidelong glance while pretending to rearrange the bouquet, trying to work out how to ask the question forming in my head without wanting to immediately evaporate afterward. I’d had girlfriends back home, but I rarely brought relationships up. Probably because they had all seen the red flags I spent too long ignoring, and once things got bad enough, I was too embarrassed to admit how trapped I felt.
“I—” I stopped and shook my head.
Nora narrowed her eyes. “What? Come on. Tell me. I share plenty with you.”
“Maybe too much,” I said with a wince.
She shrugged and kept looking at me expectantly.
I stared down at the lilies. “I just… How do I show him I’m open to more?”
“Oh.” Nora leaned back in her chair, looking far too interested. “You’ve never taken the lead?”
I caught my bottom lip between my teeth and gave the smallest shake of my head.
For one dreadful second, she looked thoughtful.
Then she said, “Well, my usual method is to grab their cock, but that might be a little aggressive for you.”
I nearly dropped my flowers.
“You think?”
She grinned.
“That was a mistake,” I muttered. “Forget I asked.”
“No, no.” She sat up straighter, still laughing at my expression. “Okay. Real advice.” She set her bowl down and pointed the spoon at me. “First of all, men are not nearly as mysterious as they like to think they are.”
“That’s not reassuring.”
“Shush. Second, if Pietro is as obsessed with you as he appears to be, then you probably don’t need some grand seduction plan. You just need to make it clear you’re not going to panic if things get a little more than PG.”
I frowned. “How?”
