Alex looked from one friend to the other and answered, “I think I’m in as much danger of falling for Aria as I was back in school. I mean, it felt like love at first sight back then. Sofia would tease me and call it puppy love. But seeing her again at the cafe and then tonight. I don’t know guys, I feel like she’s what has been missing from my life.”
Adrian and Enzo looked at one another and Alex could see the concern in their eyes, his mind echoing the sentiment.
Chapter Fifteen
Aria slippedon her sandals and put her hair up in a high ponytail. Applying sunscreen, she looked in the mirror, letting the memories of the night before linger. She was still conflicted about the feelings Alex had evoked in her and was not prepared for the onslaught of emotions that followed her home.
Longing, hope, guilt. All of them visited her mind in varying degrees throughout the night as she wrote.
Despite her conflicting emotions, she had written for hours until sleep finally overcame her, and she awakened with a smile on her face, ready to start again. Ideas were flowing freely, and she had to keep grabbing her phone and jotting down notes so she wouldn’t forget them. It was as if a secret door inside herself had been unlocked. Her words finally freed, speaking them into the world now seemed as necessary as her next breath.
It was Sunday morning, and she planned to grab a quick breakfast and head to the beach to write. She needed a new perspective and going to one of her two favorite places in Positano was just what she needed.
She would visit the other soon. The thought of pine trees and orange blossoms was tempting, but today she needed sun, ocean, and sky. It had been several weeks since she’d been to the place she and Nicholas loved so much, and she promised herself she’d make the time soon.
Placing her journal, pen, sunglasses, and water in her beach bag, she headed out to her favorite coffee shop.
She sipped on an espresso, deep in thought as she drove toward the coast. The rich, almost chocolate taste made her wish she had bought a double. Making her way toward the beach, she hoped the early hour would mean solitude from the ever-growing onslaught of tourists.
Luckily, Aria found easy parking and a somewhat empty stretch of beach. Taking a deep breath of salty air, she grabbed her bag and pastry from the passenger seat and closed the door before leaning into her backseat to grab the blanket that she kept there.
After locking the car, she walked into the sand and took off her sandals, letting the cool sand squish between her toes. It had been far too long since she allowed herself this indulgence.
As an Italian, she was familiar with “dolce far niente”—the sweetness of doing nothing—but it always made her feel so guilty on so many levels. Her ever-wise grief counselor, Daniela, repeatedly told Aria that guilt was a normal part of grief but warned that if she allowed it to consume her life, she would continue to struggle with finding joy again.
She was determined to allow that unfamiliar feeling of joy in finally.
Finding a spot, Aria spread out her blanket, momentarily distracted by the sounds of the waves coming in and out and the seagulls overhead. Finally settled down, she slid her breakfast from its bag and moaned in pleasure at the perfectcombination of buttery pastry and sweet whipped cream. It didn’t take long for her to devour it, and with a quick wipe of her hand, she was ready to write.
Taking out her leather journal from her beach bag, she let the beauty of her surroundings inspire her. Her writings had started as something akin to poetry about love, loss and hope. But as she continued, a story formed like clay in her hands. She shaped and molded the words into a beautiful tale.
Aria stopped and read what she had written, overwhelmed by what she had created. It was still rough around the edges, but the satisfaction brought a smile to her face.
She believed for far too long that there were no more words left when Nicholas had passed, but she was wrong. The words were just hidden inside her, and she needed the courage to unlock them.
Several hours later, she rolled her shoulders to ease the tension in her neck and tilted her head back toward the sun. Taking in the warmth, her thoughts were brought back to where she was in life.
Her usual Sunday routine had been researching businesses that she wanted to emulate, gleaning from every article words of wisdom that could help her with her own. In the place of her journal were books on leadership and book trends.
Then and there she made a promise to herself to find more balance between her career and her own passions.
Wait. Shouldn’t our business be my passion? Shouldn’t what Nicholas and I built fill me with joy and fulfillment?
An uneasy feeling gripped her insides and unfurled its claws as this truth penetrated her heart.
Leaning her elbows on her knees and cradling her chin in her hands, Aria looked down at the words on the pages.
That’s my passion. Those words are my joy. Not the business.
Could it be true? Deep down she knew it was. She had entertained those thoughts before but never gave place to them.
Like so many things since becoming a widow, dealing with the uncomfortable almost always gave way to emotional fatigue. This truth about their business was always on the edges of her consciousness, but she had refused to acknowledge it.
But there was something that never failed to force its way in.
Guilt.
It had been swallowing her whole. Guilt about feeling something when Alex kissed her. Guilt about losing Nicholas. Guilt about wanting more than what she and Nicholas had built.
