“Renisrare, but she’s having a hard time letting me in. She’s used to being on her own.”
Her warm, wrinkled hand slid down to mine and held firm. “What Renata needs is to see what God has placed inside her. She’s scared to let go, Mikey. It’s going to take a lot of love and patience on your part, but it will be worth it.She’sworth it.”
I nodded, wiping a tear that slid down. “I don’t want to let her down, Grammy. You’ve seen through my mask, the struggle I’ve been hiding. I want to say more to you about it when you’re stronger. But I want to be perfect for her. Be everything she needs,” I said, my feelings spilling out.
“You won’t always be that because Jesus is the only perfect One. You just need to surrender to Him. Your fears, your failures, your dreams. All of it. And her faith will be stretched until she fully accepts His love, and only then will she be able to accept yours. Be the example, Mikey. Love her as Jesus loves us. There’s a longing in her eyes to belong. Your Renata needs to have a safe place to let go.”
My Renata.
“I wish I had the same confidence in myself that you have in me,” I said quietly, lying my head on her bed while she ran her fingers through my hair like she did when I was a little boy and was upset.
Wanting to change the subject, I lifted up my head and smiled. “We want to get married as soon as you’re strong enough. What do you think? Maybe in a few weeks?”
“I think I have all the motivation I need now to get well. Go. Kiss your girl for me and tell her I’ll see her tomorrow. I’m tired now. Pastor Danny came by earlier and made me laugh til I almost peed myself, telling me stories about his daughters, Audrey and Brookie.”
I laughed just imagining it. “Those stories are the stuff of legends.”
“Yes, well, you go spend the day planning this wedding, and let me get my strength back. Have you gotten in touch with your parents yet?”
“I left messages and emails so as soon as they have cell service, they’ll call me. This is the part of their chosen vocation that is hard.”
Through the years, I had accepted that my parents weren’t a part of my everyday life, but times like this made it more pronounced.
She must’ve heard my frustration and said, “They love you, you know that, right?”
Pulling out of my thoughts, I answered, “Yes, of course. It’s just that they aren’t here when you need them, and they may very well miss the wedding. But then again, they’ve missed so much, I guess I should be used to it by now.”
Grammy frowned and said, “They’re doing what they’re called to do, son. Doesn’t take away what they feel for you. And not to worry, I intend to dance at this party and put you young people to shame. I’ll be all the entertainment you need.”
I chuckled and kissed her hand. “I love you, Grammy.”
She smiled and answered, “I love you, too, son. Now go. Nothing you can do here but watch this old woman sleep. And whatever you do, keep those crazy women away from here.Gemma will, no doubt, fall in love with my cardiologist if she finds out he’s single.”
“I’ll do my best. See you tomorrow.”
I watched her from the door for a few minutes, and her mouth was moving as she smiled. I knew she was praying, like she had been all my life. She and her Father were in a conversation that I was sure would move mountains, as I’d always said about her prayers.
As if they’d been summoned, my phone blew up with notifications from her three friends. I texted them in the group chat that she was doing better and should be home in a few days. I knew we’d have to talk to them about the wedding soon, but I wanted to do it in person. I shot off a quick text to my neighbor to let Max out since I was sure I’d be late.
Ren stood up when I walked into the waiting room. “Your smile must mean she’s doing well today.”
“She’s still easily fatigued, but she’s in good spirits. Especially when I told her about us.” Ren’s smile widened at my words. “Honestly, I think she knew before I said a word.”
I held the door open for her as we headed back to the elevators. “That doesn’t surprise me at all. The way she talks about her conversations with God reminds me of my nonnas. They’re the reason I have a relationship with Him. I think my parents only went to church out of obligation, but my grandmothers demonstrated His love.”
I pushed the button to go to the parking lot. “I was lucky in that way. Both my grandparents and parents were my guides. Having gone to church all my life, I understood who God was. I, uh, walked away for a couple of years, but turned my life back around while still in college.”
Knowing I’d have to tell Ren more about those years made me nervous, but it was important for me to share it with her.I swallowed hard as we entered the elevator and prayed for courage and understanding.
The elevator pinged when it got to our floor, and we walked toward my truck in silence as I tried to formulate my words.
“Tell me what’s wrong, Mike. You’re suddenly quiet. I thought Grammy was doing well,” she said, sensing my discomfort. I helped her into the truck, came around to the driver’s side and got in.
I turned the car on to cool off and twisted in my seat to face her.
“Ren, there are things I need to talk to you about, but this isn’t where I’d like to have this discussion,” I said, my heart picking up speed.
She scanned my face, no doubt trying to parse out what I meant. “Is it something that’s going to change our relationship?” she asked softly.
