Mike pulled one of my hands to his lips and kissed my palm. While he massaged my hand, he said, “Well, from there Elijah became afraid, and he ran to a mountain alone, where he told God he was done, didn’t even want to live. And then God let him rest under a tree and had an angel wake him up and give him water and bread to strengthen him.”
He kissed my palm again and sat up, facing me.
“Pastor reminded me that God didn’t scold Elijah for feeling defeated and depressed. He met his physical needs and gave him time to recoup. There was no shame spoken to Elijah. No words of condemnation about not being strong enough.” His words caught, and he had to stop.
“That’s a powerful truth, Mike. Wow. I don’t remember that part.”
Mike held my hand, his thumb rubbing my palm, looking down at it. “Yeah, it is. We talked a little about my recurring feelings of shame about things I’d done before coming to God. He gave me an example of laying down my heavy burden of shame, using a rock to explain it. How that, when I let condemnation and shame in, it was like picking that rock back up and carrying them with me again.”
“Is that how you’ve been feeling? I know you said something similar to me.”
He sighed heavily, looking back at me. “I have. I kept telling myself that I’d brought God shame for letting myself get like this. But Pastor said I was carrying a burden I was never meant to, just like you’d said.” His words were stirring something in me, but my focus was on my husband.
“I think being authentic and admitting our struggles can actually be an opportunity for God to use us to help other people,” I said quietly, twisting my head to make eye contact.
“I think so too. I’m really glad I listened to your advice.” He reached for me and held me tightly. My own protective side emerged, and all I wanted was to take this pain from him.
While I gotready for church one Sunday, I smiled happily, thinking about our last few weeks as newlyweds. It was unconventional, but we were having such a great time together. We’d taken Max to a dog park and watched him get annoyed with all the puppies who wanted to be friends. Some evenings after work, we would walk on the beach, talking about our day. I noticed he was becoming disillusioned with his career, so we often talked about what he might want to do. More and more, I felt like he was enjoying woodworking more than his career in science.
I spent my days doing research for the design firm, meeting Vicky for lunch when she was free to brainstorm and dream. Grammy had continued to improve, and we made sure to see her a few times a week as well. The first time we had her over for dinner, she said she was relieved to be eating something other than Mike’s favorite meal. Mike had rolled his eyes as she raved about my pasta.
He and I were sitting in our backyard one Sunday afternoon when the doorbell rang.
“I’ll get it,” he said. I had stretched out on the lounger, watching Max sniff around the yard.
“Look who it is,” I heard Mike say excitedly a few minutes later. When I sat up, my eyes widened at the sight of my new in-laws.
“Andrew, Rachel! We weren’t expecting you for another week,” I said excitedly, hopping up to hug them.
Rachel smiled as she pulled away, still holding my hand. “We worked some things out to get here sooner. Oh, Renata, it’s so good to finally meet you in person. My goodness, you’re gorgeous.”
Smiling, I said, “Thank you, that’s so sweet of you to say.”
Andrew had his hand laid across Mike’s shoulder with a huge smile. “We’re still in shock. But Grammy talked our heads off about you when we saw her before coming here, so I can see why everything happened the way it did.”
Mike walked over and put his arm around my waist. “She was the gift I hadn’t expected or deserved.”
“Not true. You’re the gift, Mike,” I said lovingly.
Rachel teared up and said, “Sorry, I’m being emotional. I’m just so happy.”
“Please take a seat. When did you get in, Dad?” Mike asked as we sat in a circle outside.
“Last night, well, technically early this morning. It was too late to come by, although I had to hold your mother back from doing just that.” He laughed and put his hand on her knee. “We’re seriously jetlagged, but we had to see Grammy. We overslept and missed church but got to Willowgrove not long after she got home.”
“Yeah, she wasn’t up for going to lunch today,” Mike answered. “How did she look to you?”
Rachel’s expression darkened. “Tired, but she tried to hide it. I think this heart attack really slowed her down. There’s still a spark, though, and Mom is stubborn enough to fight. She couldn’t stop talking about your wedding.
“Yeah, sheisstill feisty. We’re both glad we had it as quickly as we did,” Mike said.
“Some of her friends came by to say hi on their way to some kind of event the facility was holding. They’re still crazy as ever,” Andrew said as we all laughed.
“Sorry. Can we get you guys something to drink?” I asked, standing up quickly.
“No, thanks, we had something when we ate with Grammy. We just want to spend some time with you both,” Rachel answered, looking at Mike, who was nervously shifting in his seat.
“We’re so glad you did. I’d love to hear more about what you do,” I said.
