Yes, he was, but probably not for the reason Rick was thinking. He needed to get home so Rick would talk to him, and hopefully that would ease the ball of anxiety in his gut. He hoped Rick’s attempt at humor was a good sign and not him trying to butter Ian up before he let Ian slide right into his fears with nothing to stop him.
A few minutes later, he pulled up outside Rick’s home, his heart bouncing against his ribs. Once they were inside and the door shut, Rick pulled Ian into his arms, and they exchanged a heated kiss. It eased into Ian’s soul. He sank into the kiss like it was a hot spring. His whole body absorbed it, making him crave more.
A whine of disappointment came as Rick released him and guided him to the couch, where he tugged him down next to him. Not where Ian wanted to be, but he also wanted to talk about whatever was going on with Rick.
Rick twisted until his knee knocked Ian’s thigh, reaching for his hands and interweaving their fingers, placing their joined hands on Rick’s knee. When their gazes locked, Ian felt the wall slip from between them, and relief poured through him.
“You know that bucket list thing that got you and I together,”—Ian nodded—"well, I had a different item on my personal bucket list a long time ago. I wanted to beat this guy on the circuit. I never quite got there, and I suppose I’d tucked it away—”
“Until Charlie mentioned this event, and this person is taking part?” The look on Rick’s face answered for him. Ian was never slow on the uptake. He could see the competitive spark in Rick’s eyes.The desire to achieve something long since considered out of reach. “Are you doing the event?” Although it was a question, Ian sensed it was already a foregone conclusion. He could recall how he’d mentioned to Rick how he’d worry at the bucket list event. It seemed his mate had forgotten.
Rick squeezed his hands gently. “I would love to try, yes, but just so you know, it’s three rides, not just one.”
Ian loved that he didn’t soft soap him despite how his honey badger actually squealed in distress at the idea. He was with him.
No. He’s not doing it.
We can’t tell him no, it’s his choice. And I recall how excited you were before.Ian made sure to point that out because he was holding back his panic, to Rick he said aloud, “I’m not gonna say I’m not worried because I am. As is my honey badger.” To put it in rather mild terms.
Rick let go of his hands, and Ian found himself lifted onto Rick’s lap and cuddled into his chest. He tucked his face into Rick’s neck and inhaled his manly scent, seeking solace. He wasn’t hiding. Alright, maybe a little.
“I won’t do it if you don’t want me to.”
The quietly spoken words meant everything to Ian, but he wasn’t a selfish man and never had been. Because he didn’t miss the underlying want that Rick couldn’t quite disguise. “No, I’ll support you.” What else could he say? “On one condition.”
“What is that?” questioned Rick with a lightness in his voice, missing before confirming Ian’s suspicions. His man wanted to do this.
Ian peeked up at him. “You be very careful and don’t try anything silly that could get you hurt.” It was silly, really, because there were no guarantees to anything, but he knew that if Rick promised he’d do hisbest to keep it.
“I’ll try my love.”
Not exactly a promise, but it was the best anyone could do.
He could just not do it,grumped his honey badger.
Shut up, just shut up.
He didn’t need to hear it, not when his head was already playing worst-case scenario.
Chapter Seventeen
Rick
It was an interesting week between the party and the rodeo event. The plan to shift hadn’t happened because Ian’s honey badger was unhappy about the rodeo. Whereas Ian was doing his best to be cheerful, but just seeing him do that hurt something in Rick’s heart. For himself, he alternated between excitement because the event gave him one more chance to finally tick something off his personal bucket list.
And yet, there were other days when he was working alongside Ernest—and he knew that Ian was busy trying to focus on his own work in Ernest’s spare bedroom—where Rick wondered whether he was being selfish. Obviously, he wasn’t hiding that as well as he should be, especially when Ernest spoke up on the Friday, before the event.
“Are things going all right between you and Ian? You seemed okay at the party, but I would have to have been a blind man to have not noticed there’s a bit of stress between you two this week.”
Rick’s first instinct was to deflect. “I didn’t think you were a person to talk about feelings. Ian and I are fine.” Of course, Rick couldn’t leave it at that. Ernest was his closest friend, and there were never anysecrets as far as Rick was concerned. The only reason Ernest didn’t know every part of his life was simply because he hadn’t asked.
Sighing, he added, “I’m doing another rodeo event this Saturday,” he said. “It’s a different kind of event for riders who are looking to see what their form’s like after they’ve perhaps healed from an injury in their previous season and things like that. And it’s for…” Rick coughed. He couldn’t believe he was going to say it. “It also gives a chance for older guys like myself—those of us already retired—to show some of the young newbies how things are done.”
“I take it Ian’s not happy about you doing that.” Ernest handed him a wrench. They were in the middle of trying to fix a tractor, which was getting to the point where it was held together more with wire and duct tape than anything else.
“Ian is happy for me to do it because he knows I want to do it, but he doesn’t want me to do it, if that makes sense.”
“Hmm, so I’m guessing there’ve been times when you’re thinking to yourself that perhaps you’re being selfish because you’re pursuing your own needs and not thinking about his?”
