She had run away, only thinking of his rejection, never thinking of the meaning behind his words that day. Yet now, here, with him in this dance, whirling around with the candles happily lit, and laughter and cheer surrounding her, she saw his past in a darker light. As something filled with anguish and shame. Did he think she would regrethim?
Another step and he was beside her. His face implacable, his jaw tense. His arms held her at just the right angle, holding her assuredly, but no longer possessively. They kept circling...circling.
Her life with him might have always been this way but those few words had revealed something else. Something in the heat of anger, in the sweep of the dance, that he hadn’t meant to say.
The dance sped up and no words could be said. It brought their bodies closer together as they stepped in and out. Her full gown and sleeves trailed in the sweeping movements, looking like waves crashing to shore.
She felt like those waves, and Hugh was her shore. She vowed she wouldn’t run away again. She was only now realising where she should runto.
When the dance ended, they parted without words. The mummers’ dance would start soon, and she would begin her duties to the King.
She watched as Hugh walked away, saw the breadth of his shoulders, the assuredness of the way he held himself, parting the crowds as if it was his due.
He didn’t look back, almost as if he hadn’t asked her to dance, as if he hadn’t commented about her being with other men or whoring with the King.
That day in the market, in the heat of his words, he had let slip that there was something between them. Was it possible? Was it true? She was beginning to believe it wasn’t only her. But if so, he held himself away still. As if it was he who was running.
Circling. Circling. She felt no more or less than wool on a Great Wheel.
But tonight she could do no more.
* * *
Frustration, anger, and need warred within him. Hugh stormed through the Great Hall, looking for a reprieve or a distraction. Eldric was nowhere in sight.
Whyhad he danced with Alice? It could never be simply a dance with her. Stupid to think otherwise, but he’d been consumed with jealousy.
He’d had no right, and yet he’d taken it. Given her no choice although she had noticeably tried to escape his request.
Instead he had taken her hand, which had held some of the strength he ached to feel. Taken her hand, brought her as close as the dance allowed. Brought her closer when even that was too far away. Had seen her eyes display every emotion in their short exchange. Umbrage. Pride. And the last. The last...
Whyhad he said the words he had? They revealed too much about himself to her. And he had seen every aching awareness and understanding flaring in her steady gaze.
He had just laid every hurt he’d ever felt at her feet as if she would care. Shecouldn’tcare.
And yet...her grey eyes had watched him carefully, so he hadn’t dared to speak again. She fixed things. If she saw a wrong, she set it to rights. She’d done so all her life.
The one shining light in his life was that she had never tried to fixhim. Never pitied him. When all the others in Swaffham had given him handouts or disdained him, she had acted as if he was unflawed.
That fact was the one untarnished part of him. Now he had revealed the shame from his past as if...as if begging for her to remedy him.
Angry at himself, he grabbed a flagon that was thankfully still full of ale and looked for a goblet.
The moment the King had ordered him to spy on the Fenton family he’d dreaded it. He’d avoided even thoughts of Alice since that day in the field when he had almost killed her...kissed her. Heshouldhave kissed her. Maybe then the ache of those years away would have been less.
There was only one remedy tonight, and that was what was in his hands. The King’s orders be damned. There would be no spying tonight, no more observation. He would steal this drink and return to his own home.
Whowashe to her? He had the wrong background, the wrong family. Her father, delighted with nobility, completely ignored Hugh’s lineage. His father had seen to that disgrace.
He should ignore Alice now. He didn’t know her, there were questions with her involvement with the King, with her asking questions, her projects, and kindness to others.
Too many questions, and too many traps to be caught in. Eldric did watch him regardless of his glib remarks. And yet...
Almost out of the room, he turned as if unable to help himself. One last glance saw Alice approach her sister, Mitchell and Lyman. Others were there as well, but his eyes were only on Alice as he looked for some trace of pity still lingering. Some glint in her eye to show that she intended to arrive at his door tomorrow to remedy a wrong.
None of that was there. Instead Alice craned her neck around her would-be suitors. She tapped her foot impatiently as Mitchell laughed.
This wasn’t the woman he had observed earlier in the evening. The one who had laughed too brightly. This wasn’t the woman he’d observed over the last month, partaking of all the festivities and wearing ribbons in her hair.
