And then what? Then he’d be tortured at the memory of it. Just like now. Probably worse.
He deserved worse. But he’d take these snippets of time until then.
Purposely keeping his pace slow, he let them fall further away from the revellers. He soaked up every moment of her walking beside him. The fact that she came no higher than his chest, but her steps were quick. Her cheeks were red from the cold, but the extra colour highlighted the ivory of her skin, the brightness of her grey eyes. Eyes gazing at him warmly.
‘No, we’ve never talked like this.’
Most likely because he didn’t have many pleasantries to talk about. More snippets of time like this and she’d begin to glimpse the darker side to him. He couldn’t keep it from her. He struggled to do so now. They already talked of the King and his spying.
‘And yet nothing’s ever idle between us, Alice,’ he repeated.
‘Do you want it to be?’
He closed his eyes on that, shook his head.
‘I’m glad we can talk this way,’ she said. ‘Bethis way.’
When she slowed even more he could almost hear her weighing words. He didn’t know if he could take any more closeness to her.
‘Why? Because of your vow?’
He’d tried to keep his tone light—knew he missed it when he saw her frown.
‘You won’t tease me on that, will you? You never have before. Even when I asked you to kiss... Well, you were there.’
He stopped then—didn’t want anyone to hear this part of their conversation. ‘I could never tease nor could I ever forget.’
‘I haven’t either,’ she whispered.
Her words were a sweet balm that also stung his heart. So many years lost between them. What had happened in the years he’d been away; why was she alone? ‘You must have had many suitors since I left.’
‘Are you asking me if I turned them all away because of you?’
Foolish words, of course she would have many, and it wasn’t as if he lived like a monk since he left. ‘I have no right to know.’
Silence from her. Silence he didn’t want. ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have mentioned them.’
She started walking again. ‘My projects, as everyone calls them, kept me busy from...proposals. It’s probably why my plan to find the Seal has been so difficult.’
‘Why’d you do it then?’
‘I needed suitors for distraction from what I have to do to find the Seal. I knew if they thought I liked them they’d be more open with words and conversations. Secrets. I’d also have access to rooms and conversations I wouldn’t have normally.’
Now that he knew the details, he understood the cleverness of her plan—and he shouldn’t be talking to her. She was close to the truth now. He wanted to be her suitor. He wanted to hold her and kiss her again. To spill his secrets and lose his life. Just for these moments.
‘They’d never stand a chance if you were after them in truth.’
Alice took a breath, braced herself for whatever would happen next. ‘I was afteryouin truth.’
He paused. ‘Too much honesty you give me.’
She was now realising she hadn’t given enough. ‘Why not? Holding things in secret hasn’t worked for us.’
‘There is no “us”.’
‘There is—why deny it? You kissed me.’
They stopped walking before they reached the town square. Boys blew whistles and banged drums. Off-key singing and raucous laughter indicated that ale was being poured. It was early afternoon, but the temperature was dropping fast. The day had started off with blue skies, but now it was darkening with heavy clouds rolling in.
