‘Rhona gave the baby, me, to my parents? How did they know?’
‘Rhona only told me that the baby was given away to a woman who couldn’t conceive, who was desperate. There was no husband there. But I always dreamed the baby went to a cheerful home.’
‘That baby’s name was...is... Rory.’ He grabbed the blanket and returned it to his lap. ‘That’s why you say my name the way you do.’
‘Though I suspected, I didn’t know the baby was you. What are the chances?’ She pulled a corner of the blanket, grateful when she felt the tug as he firmly held on to the bit that was half across his lap. ‘My entire life has been formed by the Lochmores. From the tales of the Great Feud and how I felt about the baby who died, how I felt when Magnus died. Both of those led me to become a healer, something I am blessed to be.
‘But learning of Rhona’s story and Hamish’s baby given away, and then you, Rory, arriving in the McCrieff courtyard. When I married you, I couldn’t be sure whether I did it for the clan, for myself, or because of the stories that were told to me.’
‘For yourself?’
‘I was...attracted to you.’
‘I see,’ he said, a quirk to his mouth that she loved. ‘That is good.’
She more than lifted her lips, she smiled. She could feel it from ear to ear. Itwasgood. They were good. Flickering torchlight, cold crypt in the middle of spring, dead of night, but they were good. She’d make certain it would happen despite the doubt in his eyes. It would be up to herto erase that doubt, though it would be far more difficult than simply pouring a tincture. Rory’s past and present would require time and healing. For now, she’d show him she cared, that she loved. ‘In the end, right now, I know it doesn’t matter why I married you, I’m simply glad I did.’
Rory had no happy answer to Ailsa’s bright smile or sweet words. ‘I as well, my wife, but it is not as simple as that.’
But he wanted it to be simple. He wanted it to be easy, because if it was, he’d be able to take the woman who sat next him into his arms. Hold her, comfort her, love her. Not stare helplessly into her wide green eyes shimmering with tears in the flickering light of the torch. Not tell her she shouldn’t, couldn’t, be glad they married.
‘I’m a McCrieff!’ he said. ‘With many people not wanting me ruling McCrieffs. Except, even if I am a McCrieff, I don’t deserve to rule. Who would want Hamish’s issue ruling the McCrieffs when he has done such harm?’
‘I want you to. My father most certainly does. There isn’t anyone worthier than you.’
Her words were no balm. ‘My blood’s a McCrieff, and not just anyone’s, but a man hated by many. And you were wrong. My motherwasraped. He raped Marion.’
She tightened her lips. ‘Do you think you’re capable of that?’
He wanted to say no, but that would be a lie. ‘On our wedding night, I demanded you to undress so that I could consummate a marriage I had no intention of honouring.’
‘That’s not proof. In fact, I remember I made demands of my own.’
‘Because you’re fierce and intelligent. If you had been any other woman—’
‘You think if I had been weak, I would have just laid there on the bed for you? You can’t know women then. Remember, I wanted you before we were married, I wanted you that night.’
‘I seduced you and instead of honouring our marriage, I left. I left so that if there was a chance I needed to annul the marriage, I could take it.’
Wide green eyes no longer reflecting love or warmth. Just resignation on the truth of his words. ‘You were hurting; Paiden had just collapsed. You’renotHamish.’
‘You can’t prove to me otherwise. Even before Paiden, I married you so that I’d make my own future. I married you because I wanted my own power and control. I didn’t care about the consequences or saving lives. I didn’t care.’
‘You wanted to talk to me alone. There wasno reason for you to do so unless you wanted to see if we were compatible. If you didn’t care, you would have simply agreed to my father’s proposal.’ Her expression resolute, she continued, ‘It doesn’t matter. I wouldn’t have married you if I didn’t see the man you truly are and, since we’re confessing it all, I wouldn’t have let you control me.’
So true. So fortunate he married this woman. Fortunate for him, but maybe not so for her. ‘I held a sword to your neck. I know your strength and it far outstrips mine. But still, I’m not worthy of it.’ He felt restless. In the past, when he found himself in these confrontations, he’d storm off, lean against a wall, pick a fight with Paiden. But here he sat near Ailsa and he was loath to move from her side. ‘My family isn’t worthy.’
‘Your family are the Lochmores. You have a mother and a father here.’
There wasn’t enough air to fill his lungs, and not enough words for him to convey the connections he shared with his wife. He felt as if they were as tangled as her gown’s laces. Impossible to unravel and still so very necessary.
‘Finley knows that I’m not his son,’ he said. ‘Whether he knows I’m Hamish’s or whether he’s talked to Helen about my birth, I don’t know. What I do know is that he loves my mother sovery deeply that when she presented me to him, he claimed me.’
‘And that is why you’re worthy.’
‘Because a woman hated the man who raped her, so she denied him an heir by agreeing to give me away? Because I was stolen away in the middle of the night and given to a family who didn’t know quite what to do with me once they had me?
‘Helen, my mother, if you so insist, presented me to her own husband and pretended I was his. What does that make me? A lie.’
