My stomach sinks. Because now, I understand why this feels so awful.
I miss him. Not in a friendly way.
In anI want to cry myself to sleepway.
Except I can’t sleep without him.
When did that happen?
I replay the summer in my mind. The gym. The lake. Blanket pallets. Queso and documentaries. The teasing. The orgasms.
Somewhere along the line, everything changed. And I didn’t even notice.
We have this unspoken agreement to keep things simple. We’re both leaving in four weeks. I go back to school. Back to classes. Back to clinicals. Back to my normal life. Axle is heading to Texas to shoot his first ad campaign. Then it’s anyone’s guess where. A different city, a different girl, week to week.
His life moves fast.
And then there’s Cabe and how he’d react.
I knew all of that from the beginning. Knew this couldn’t become anything real.
So, why does it feel like someone is squeezing my heart?
I stare at the ceiling.
Shit.
Somewhere along the way, I stopped worrying about all the reasons why we couldn’t be together and instead enjoyed it.
Maybe he sensed that I was getting too comfortable? That I expected him to show up?
And that’s why he disappeared.
I can’t even be angry with him. Axle was the one who tried to keep boundaries in place. I was the reckless one. The one who kept pushing.
What an idiot.
What made me think I could have a no-strings-attached summer fling? I’ve never actually had a fling, and I’m not really a fling type.
The tears threatening my eyes irritate me more than anything.
Because this is ridiculous. I’m not some heartbroken teenager. I’m a grown woman who knew exactly what she was getting into.
I knew Axle wasn’t offering forever. I knew this had an expiration date.
I sniffle.
The ending just arrived earlier than expected.
I curl up on the bed, pull the blanket tight around me, and give myself permission to cry. No one will ever know.
I drift somewhere between sleep and dreaming when I feel the mattress dip behind me.
For a second, I think I’m imagining it. My exhausted brain conjuring what it wants.
Then a strong arm slides around my waist.
A soft sigh escapes me as I instinctively melt backward into the familiar heat of him, and the tension that’s been wrapped around my chest for two days loosens instantly.
