“Why not?” he asks.
“I just don’t think I can bring myself to say those words. It feels weird and?—”
“You will be able to. It might take you a couple of minutes to ask, but over time, it will get better. You asked me yesterday,” he reminds me. “It is all going to work itself out. I can prompt you if I see that is what you want. Eventually get used to it, and the anxiety about it will ease.”
I take a deep breath in and slowly let it out.
“Now, let’s get on with the tricks.” Daddy lets go of my face, and I whine.
“I don’t wanna be apart from you.” I lean my head on his leg, wrapping my arms around it.
“Are you okay, Nora?” Daddy asks.
Am I okay? I nod.
“Nora, think about this for a second, and be honest with me,” he gently says as he runs his hands through my hair.
“I don’t know,” I mumble, holding onto his leg tighter.
“Talk to me,” he urges. “Just talk. It doesn’t all have to make sense, but it might help you get all the words out that you need to get out.”
“Can I hold onto you like this?” I ask, holding my breath as I wait for Daddy to answer.
“Of course, Little Pet. And if you want to be in my lap when you are talking, just lift your arms, and I will pick you up,” he gently replies.
I take a deep breath. Here goes nothing.
“I don’t know what’s going on with me. I don’t want to be away from you. I thought it was because of what happened the other day, with me being in the kennel while you were gone, but I don’t know if that is the case.” I hold on tighter. “I just don’t want to be away from you. The thought of being just a couple of inches away from you makes my chest feel like I can’t get enough air into my lungs. When I’m not with you, my mind wanders, and I imagine the fire alarm. I’m always wondering if the fire alarm is going to go off again, and I don’t like it. I just don’t want to be away from you. The thought scares me.”
I take several deep breaths in and slowly let them out, trying to calm my racing heart.
Daddy must be thinking that I’m crazy right now. I feel crazy. Past Nora would have never been like this.
On the space station, we had alarms going off all the time for different tasks we needed to go to, and it never bothered me. But hearing that fire alarm and being stuck in the kennel has done something to me that I can’t explain.
It has made me scared.
“What you are feeling is valid. We are going to get to the bottom of it,” Daddy says as he runs his hand through my hair. “How about I ask Yamal to come a bit earlier, so we can talk about this and see if there is any medication that can help you.”
“He’s the person coming today?” I ask.
“He is. I want some time with you to teach you some commands, so I told him to come later on, but I think he needs to come soon,” Daddy gently says. “Does that sound okay?”
“As long as I don’t have to be away from you,” I mumble.
At this point, I will be okay with anything as long as I can be right next to Daddy, holding or touching part of him.
“You just relax right there. I will message Yamal,” he states.
My body relaxes, knowing that Daddy isn’t going to leave me. I didn’t think it was going to be an issue. But after Daddy gave me pleasure yesterday, something inside of me switched, and I’ve been clingier than normal. Hopefully, Daddy doesn’t mind and will keep me.
“Will you get rid of me if we can’t fix this?” I whisper before I can stop myself.
Daddy pulls me up and places me on his lap before I can do anything.
“Nora, look at Daddy,” he commands.
I close my eyes and look in Daddy’s direction, not able to make myself look at him. What if this is his line that he is going to draw? I don’t think I will be able to survive without him if he sends me to the space station now. What if I hear all those alarms and panic every single time?
