I smile softly and keep walking. He reaches out and grabs me by the elbow, pressing me against the wall, an arm above my head. I look down, not meeting his eyes, fearing that he’ll see that I’m being dishonest.
“I know it’s been awhile, but I know a rattled woman when I see one,” he says coolly, as he uses his other hand to tilt my chin up to force my eyes to meet his.
I don’t say anything at first, just look down and back up. “It’s nothing, just a bitter ex.”
His jaw flexes, eyes almost shining. “A bitter ex made you lose the color in your face like that?” he says through clenched teeth.
“Yeah, it’s really no big deal. Just annoying.” I duck around his outstretched arm, getting down the stairs before he can respond.It’s fine, I'm fine, everything is fine.
I head over to my abandoned plate. Everything is mostly cold now, and I’m not hungry, but I know I have to eat just to put something in my stomach so I don’t throw up. I shovel in the buffalo dip. Once I polished that off, I go for the hot dog. Nothing hits better than a Costco hot dog. I see Harley coming down the stairs, and I ready myself for more of his questions. He glances at me before turning to the door to head outside.Whew.I feel nervous and hot when he’s around. Not because he scares me at all, but he’s my hot high school ex boyfriend and he gives me butterflies and all that schoolgirl bullshit.
Glancing around, I notice all the men are gone from the room. Atlas is chatting with a woman I recognize as one of the other spouses. I remember that her husband was going to be on assignment with Asher.
I let her visit with her friends, and begin cleaning up around the kitchen. We’d done the quick little cake for Aria, and since she hated it, we'd left the mess. I go to her high chair to clean it all up. Sincethis is Aria’s first birthday, it reminds me that I haven’t thought about a baby’s birthday in a long time. I try not to, honestly. It hurts, even though I know I did the right thing.
I get the doggy bags ready for the single guys who always beg for leftovers when they leave, then finish wiping off the counters and load the dishwasher.
As I close the dishwasher and hang the washcloth, Atlas walks over smiling. “Let’s head outside to the fire pit.” I grab my coat, smiling as I head out the back door arm in arm with Atlas.
I’ve got a fresh drink in hand, walking with a little extra sway in my hips, not intentionally.Maybe it is, though.I let the Truly’s take that edge off, trying to calm my nerves after getting Dean’s message. I just want to relax. Once we’re all crowded around the fire. I chat with Atlas about nothing in particular. I just let myself enjoy the night. I can’t help but occasionally steal side eye glances at Harley across the fire.
One of the guys moves the speaker away from the house now that the baby is down, and the other kids have left. We aren’t getting wasted or acting crazy, but when girls hearLow by Flo Rida,the party just comes out of us. We dance, sing, and drink. I finally decide it’s time to break the seal, and that I better do it quickly. I start walking to the backdoor, stumbling around like an idiot. I cringe thinking about how dumb I look to Harley as I stumble on my feet and laugh at myself.I’m fucking hilarious. And drunk.
“Harley, can you take this drunk bitch to the bathroom?” I hear the words drop out of Atlas’s mouth. I whip my head around so quickly, I make myself dizzy. She laughs so hard as I glare at her.
“I. Am. Fine,” I tell her, realizing my words are a little slurred. Suddenly, I hear a chuckle from beside me, and I suck in a breath.Fuck, where’d he come from?Harley steps beside me, his left arm going around me without touching me, but there in case I need it. I really amnot that drunk.I definitely am that drunk.I double over and laugh at myself, letting out a snort.
“Come on, let’s go pee, my little alchy.” Harley chuckles and pushes me into the house. His hand falls lightly to the small of my back, and I feel tingles all over.Jesus.
Getting to the bathroom, Harley pushes open the door and flicks the light on. “I’ll wait out here, holler at me if you need me,” he says before closing the door softly.
I drop my pants and sit there, feeling the relief of my bladder emptying. My internal dialogue is going wild.This is so embarrassing. Ehhh, is it though? I haven’t done anything embarrassing. I’m just funny. This is fine. His hand is so warm. I wonder if he’s even thought about me? It’s been sixteen years since I last saw him.
Harley was in the pits of hell that is puberty when we met. Even despite that, I thought he was so cute. Tonight, his still curly hair is a little long in the front and pieces hang slightly over his eyes. He wears a black fitted V neck t-shirt and dark bootcut jeans. He has clearly grown out of the baby fat and regularly works out. He isn’t over the top cut and chiseled, just the right amount of fit. At least, to my liking.Shit. He could have a girlfriend, and I'm low key drooling over him. Chill bitch.Flushing the toilet and washing my hands, I take a deep breath, and finally open the door. Harley stands there covering his mouth, laughing silently. “What’s so funny?” I ask with a laugh, trying to play cool.
“Well, I don’t have a girlfriend, and yeah I wondered about you occasionally.” Harley laughs as he lets his face fall toward the ground and quickly back up to meet my eyes, his cheeksturning a slight shade of red.
Oh my fucking god. Kill me.
I was talking, out loud, to myself. Guess the cat is out of the bag. I need to find another drink. Walking down the hall to the fridge, I reach in and pull one out. I turn around to be met with Harley smirking from the side of the counter. “I was just wondering. It’s been sixteen years after all.” I laugh it off. He inches a little closer as I crack open the drink and down it, trying to escape this hellscape I created for myself.This is definitely going to hurt in the morning.
Atlas and a few others flood in from the back door. Laughing and footsteps fill the room.
“Do you live near here?” Harley asks, leaning on the counter a couple feet away.
“Yeah, less than ten minutes. Shit I need to call an Uber.” I reach for my phone and seea handful of unanswered text messages waiting for me.
UNKNOWN:
I miss you.
I wish you still loved me.
I don’t want to live if you aren’t with me.
You know I only live a few miles up the road.
When are you coming home?
