I take my time walking the hall. Watching my baby grow up. Birthday parties, loose teeth, baseball, Halloween, Christmas, bath times, school pictures. His smile is so profound in every photo. He’s so happy and full of life. He’s had a beautiful life.
In this moment, any bit of regret or questioning if I had done the right thing over the years is silenced, and I let it rest. I made the right decision.
I stop at one photo along the way. He’s a spitting image of me at his age. He’s probably seven, maybe eight, and his hair is wild with strawberry blonde curls. His porcelain complexion and blue eyes are an undeniable marker of me. He’ll never put two and two together, but it makes my heart swell, knowing that I made this sweet boy, and at one point, you would have been able to tell without a doubt.
I finally make my way into the living room, dabbing my eyes with my sleeve. “Sorry, I didn’t think about the emotions of it all,” I say, waving my arms around like a nitwit.
“Hey,” Charlee says as she reaches out to me, “I am forever thankful for you, because I could have never done it. So cry all you need. I just hope they’re tears of happiness, ya know?” she says. “That your decision wasn’t a bad thing.”
I pull her into a hug. “I’ve never been more sure. I am so happy that I did what I did. You gave him a life I could have never given him.” We stand there and cry before I finally pull back. “Shit, I need to check my makeup and be sure nothing smeared so he can’t see anything. I don’t want to scare him.”
“Ember, really, you won’t scare him,” she says. “He’ll just be a nosy kid and ask later if he sees anything he doesn’t understand.”
I give her a tight smile.
“So, we brought this game for Rawley,” Harley says, finally breaking the little bubble of emotion Charlee and I had drifted into. “If it’s cool that we’re the cool aunt and uncle?” he asks, question laced in his tone.
“I like that idea,” Charlee says with a smile painted on her lips.
Rawley comes down the stairs. He halts apprehensively when he sees me blotting my eyes again.
“Is everything okay?” he asks, his eyebrows pulled together with concern.
“Oh yeah! Your mom just told me a funny joke, and I laughed so hard I cried,” I tell him, throwing an elbow at Charlee.
“Well, that has to be a lie, because my mom is not funny.” He laughs and looks over at Charlee.
“Boy, you better shut your pie hole or I’ll put you on dishes duty.” She goes over to him and punches him in the arm playfully.
He immediately throws his hands up, surrendering his playful insult.
“No, actually we were at Best Buy and Harley saw the game you wanted was on sale, so he picked it up, and we wanted to bring it to you.”
His eyes light up, joy beaming across his face. “No freaking way! Oh my god! This is so dope!” I hand him the game and smile.
“Of course, it was no big deal,” I respond, meeting his smile. Before I can process what is happening, he gives me a quick, strong hug. My body still aches, but I embrace it. I look over at Charlee, who has tears in her eyes and is biting down on her top lip, willing the tears not to flow over. She nods her head, giving me the okay to hug him back. And I do. I wrap my arms around the boy I gave away for a better life.
When he lets go, he turns quickly to race upstairs to play his new game.
“Thank you,” Charlee says to both of us. “I don’t know how I want to navigate this, Ember, but I know I’m not ready to tell him about you yet.”
She won’t meet my eyes when she says this, and I walk over to her. “Hey, no. That’s not why I came over. I just physically needed to see him. When Dean said he tried to grab him…” My voice trails off, starting to crack. “I just needed to see he was okay with my own eyes.” I give her a hard smile, willing her to see I don’t want anything from her.
“About that…” Charlee begins. “I don’t really know if we will or not, but Theo wasn’t very happy about Dean coming after Rawley, and he mentioned the possibility of moving.”
I glance over at Harley, silently asking him if I can tell her. He holds my eyes and gives me a nod. “That won’t ever happen again, Charlee.”
She meets my eyes. “You can’t know that…” She begins, before I cut her off.
“I can one-hundred-percent guarantee you, Dean will never be a problem again.” I will her to understand without me having to say it out loud. She cocks her head, the words not clicking for her.
“Dean has been permanently removed from the situation,” Harley says, and Charlee’s eyes bounce to him, then quickly back to me. After a couple of seconds, realization dawns on her, and she brings her hand to cover her mouth in shock. “I know it’s a lot to take in, this isn’t going to be broadcasted information, but it was important to Ember that you know, that you won’t have to worry anymore.”
“I…I understand,” she says as she pulls herself together. I get it, I really do. It’s not what we’re used to seeing in terms of “justice” in the real world.
“Well, we don’t want to keep you any longer.” I pull her into a hug. “I am so sorry again, that this happened. I’ll always do what’s best for him, even if it hurts me.”
She squeezes me back. “I know you will, Ember. Thank you. That’s what mothers do.” Her words tear through me like a knife slicing through my skin and soul.
