“And I am not inside. I’m outside, looking in as I wait for you to come out.”
“You are insufferable,” I say through gritted teeth.
“Yes, that may be the case, but…”
“But nothing.” I remove my other glove. “If I need you, I’ll call you.”
“But you never call,” he makes the point to say.
“Exactly,” I say in a too chipper voice as if he’s a good boy for finally getting it. “Good night, Silas.” I hang up the phone.
Much like the advice I’ve given to Tori, I can’t let myself become the stupid girl again. I can’t let my guard down around Silas. Although, whatever is between us is intoxicating, I know how this ends.
“Does he know?” Tori asks as I walk to the front and put the phone down. I keep the lights off as I look out. I see him leaning against his car as he looks down at his phone. He glances up, and I swear he looks right at me, but it’s impossible to see me without any lights on. The office windows are tinted, extremely dark for a reason. A smirk plays on his lips, and then he turns, opening his car door and getting in before he drives off.
“No,” I tell her. “And he never will.”
And I promise I’ll be taking this secret to the grave.
Nessa sitsacross from me the following morning. I can honestly say I’ve never felt so distant from my best friend before. I’m not even sure I recognize the person in front of me right now. Her eyes seem a little vacant, and she keeps fidgeting with her fork as she looks down at the food she hasn’t touched. We are at IHOP, where we usually meet up. The server knows us and immediately brought out our usual orders, but I’m not in the mood for my French toast, and Nessa doesn’t seem to be in the mood for her food either.
“Are you mad?” she finally asks.
“Mad?” I repeat, letting the word sit between us. My voice is controlled, but it’s not calm. “No. I think mad is too fucking simple for how I’m currently feeling.”
Her eyes flicker. “Then what is it?”
I laugh once, short, humorless.
“Disappointed,” I say, slower now. “Sad? And honestly? Humiliated, for you.”
That makes her flinch.
“I didn’t plan it,” she says quickly, like that changes anything. “It just … happened. I wasn’t trying to hurt you, Leonore.”
My stare sharpens.
“You keep saying that like it matters,” I cut in. “Like thehowsomehow erases the fact that you did it. With him.”
Her mouth parts, but nothing comes out fast enough.
“And you didn’t just not tell me,” I continue, voice dropping, hands clenched tight where they rest on the Formica tabletop. “You hid it. After everything you said about him. After everything you knew I went through because of him. You know what a piece of shit he is. If he cheated once, he’ll do it again.”
“He won’t. He won’t do that to me.” It’s a sharp blade to my chest. Nessa is such a big believer in love, but it blinds her to a fault. And no matter how many times I tell her that it won’t work, or she shouldn’t be putting her all into something where they’re not even giving her half the effort, she just doesn’t listen. And truth be told, I’m over it.
I never thought those words would enter my head, but I am. I’m over protecting her because when all of these guys end up breaking her heart, which all of them have, I’m the one who’s always there, picking up the pieces. I think she’s standing on her own feet again, really supporting herself and Larissa, but then she does things like this. She knows what a piece of shit Ben is. Yet again, she is putting on her blinders and completely ignoring all the red flags.
Why?
He may have told her what she wants to hear? I really do hope that one day she finds what she’s looking for, but I know for certainty it’s not going to be in Ben.
That man only cares for one person, and that is himself. Nessa has a child that she also has to think about in this scenario, and Ben does not like children. I don’t care for Ben, and I won’t fight over him, but I do care about Larissa.
“What about Larissa?” I ask her.
“What about her?” She sounds shocked, and it grates on my nerves.
“He hates kids, Nessa. You know this.”
