“Larissa won’t be an issue.”
Icy tension runs through my veins. “I never said that she would be an issue. Ben is the issue,” I remind her.
She becomes flustered and blurts out, “He told me he loves me.”
I can’t help but gawk at her in disbelief. I might’ve given Tori a second chance for being young and dumb. But Nessa and I have gone down this path too many times, and I just can’t keep walking down this same path with her. As soon as she becomes attached to someone, everyone else becomes irrelevant.
“I love you,” I say gently. And I mean it. But love can be toxic in multiple forms.
“I know,” she replies quickly. “I love you too.”
There’s expectation in her voice, like this is the part where things go back to normal.
But I don’t let it.
“I need you to listen to me,” I say, firmer now, her teary eyes snapping to me. “This can’t keep happening.”
Her brow furrows slightly.
“I’m not doing this anymore, Nessa,” I continue. “Not being pulled in when things go wrong. Not finding out after the fact. Not being the one who’s expected to fix the fallout.”
Silence settles between us.
“I can’t be part of that cycle with you anymore. Not when you’re so okay with hurting me as long as you’re happy.”
Her face shifts, confusion turning to something more unsettled. “Leo?—”
“I’m still here for Larissa,” I cut in immediately. “That doesn’t change. If she needs me, she gets me. Call me; I’ll always come for her.”
Opening up my purse, I grab an envelope labeledLarissaon the front of, and I slide it over to Nessa. She looks at it confused because normally I don’t write on them at all; I just hand her money.
Even though I want distance from her, it doesn’t mean I want distance from Larissa. I love her like she’s my own. It’s not her fault that her mother gets blinded by love. All I can do is hope that Larissa doesn’t follow in her footsteps. I watch her as she glumly looks at the envelope. We are two completely different people, and I always thought that’s what kept our friendship going for so long. But maybe that’s what’s tearing us apart as well. The only thing we had in common was we had no one but each other. And while I have grown to accept that, I don’t think Nessa ever will. Even though she’s created her own family, she’s still searching for something more. I won’t be able to help her in that respect. No matter what I do, it’s never enough. It’s time I focus solely on me.
“But you and I,” I say quietly, meeting her eyes, “we need space. A lot of it. For a while.”
“What if I need you?” she asks quietly.
“You won’t. You’ll have Ben,” I say, standing and putting some money on the table to cover our food. She watches me do so without a word or even bothering to fight for me. Smiling down at her, I turn and walk out. Not even looking back as I get in the car and head home.
My chest aches. I just walked away from the one person I’ve ever truly loved. Not that I don’t think I’ll ever see her again. I will. I know that without a doubt.
But I have enough of my own shit to deal with, and it’s okay to prioritize myself.
28
SILAS
“Tell me about her,” my sister says, sitting opposite me.
“Nothing to tell,” I answer, because this isn’t the first time she’s asked me. In fact, the questions are occurring more often.
“I know when you are lying, so tell me. Come on…” she groans.
“It’s desperate times if you’re trying to suddenly live through me, sister,” I say as I look up at her from my paperwork. It’s my niece’s usual time for a nap.
Gia scoffs and crosses her arms over her chest. “Please, I’m not living through you. I’m curious because for once you look like you have a beating heart instead of going through the motions to keep the business together.” I go to speak, but she puts up her hand. “I know, you do it to protect and provide for us, and I’m grateful for that. Always will be. But you’ve been different lately. This could be good for you.”
Good for me? It doesn’t matter what is good for me. It’s an obsession I can’t shake. The more Leonore shoots me down, the more she sucks me in.
