I'm going to need him to say that again, ideally when I'm not already right on the edge of feeling entirely too much and can really process what he’s saying to me.
"Okay," I say. And I mean it. “I’ll try to be more careful.”
“In time, we’re going to change the way you answer me when I’m correcting you or giving you a directive.”
“We are?”
“We are. Maya, I know about Holly and Justin’s relationship.”
I play dumb. I can’t believe we are having this conversation. “Yeah, they are engaged.”
“Maya, she told me that you know about their dynamic.”
“She did?”
“Yes. She consented to me talking to you about it.”
“She did?” My brain is failing me. I can’t think of anything else to say. I’m pretty sure my jaw is on the floor. Also, I needto have a convo with Holly stat because how could she have this exchange with Anthony and not tell me? He reaches out and covers my hand with his.
“She did and she told me about the book club you two belong to and the type of stories you read in them.”
The warmth of his hand over mine is doing something catastrophic to my ability to think clearly.
"What are we doing?" I finally ask, and my voice is quieter than I intended.
He's quiet for a moment. His thumb moves, slowly, across the back of my knuckles. Back and forth. Steady and unhurried in exactly the way he does everything.
"I’m paying attention to you," he says. "And I want you to pay attention to yourself. I guess some could say I am Daddying you."
He's been watching me all week. He's been cataloguing the same things I've been cataloguing about him. He's been paying attention to me in that specific, complete way he pays attention to everything, and he's noticed the part of me that runs a little ragged at the edges, that gets so excited about the next thing that she forgets to eat lunch or read the sign or watch where her feet are.
He noticed. And he's not trying to fix it. He's just holding it. As if he’s saying, I see it. I'll help you with it.
"Anthony," I say, and I don't know what I was going to say after that.
"I know," he says, like he does know. Like he has known for longer than tonight.
He doesn't let go of my hand.
I don't move away.
“What do you want?” He asks me. “Do you want a weekend and then forget we ever met? Do you want to try a long distance relationship? Or?”
What do I want? This is moving so fast. Then I think about my friends in the Naughty Girl’s Book Club and how fast their relationships moved. I remember Holly telling me, “when you know, you know.” Deep inside, I know.
“I don’t want just a weekend.” I finally say. “Are you telling me you’re a Daddy?”
“What do you think?”
“I’ve thought you were a Daddy since you rescued the elk.”
“I am. That is something Justin and I bonded over a long while ago. You’re a little.” He’s not asking but I nod anyway. “Do you know what I think?”
“What’s that?”
“I think you’ve been testing me all day because you wanted me to show you what it would be like to be with a Daddy who cares about you and watches out for you. Am I wrong?”
Is he wrong? I mean, no. He’s not. I purposely carried around the half-drunk water bottle in order to see how he would respond.
