"Both, probably." I manage a weak smile. "But I can't ask Sierra to uproot Ruby's entire life if I'm not willing to face my demons. That's not fair, and it's not the kind of father I want to be."
"The kind who tortures himself?" Asher's still not letting this go. "Because that's what's going to happen, man. You're going to drive past those buildings every day and fall apart."
"Maybe," I admit. "Probably. At least at first. But I'll have support this time. Sierra, her parents, therapy. And I'll have a reason to keep fighting, Ruby. Everything I do from now on is for her."
"Noble," Griffin says dryly. "Also potentially catastrophic for your mental health."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence."
"I'm being realistic." But Griffin's expression softens. "I get it though. If I had a kid I didn't know about, I'd probably do the same thing. Doesn't mean it's not going to be hell."
"Nothing worth having ever is," Hudson says, and we all turn to look at him. He doesn't talk much, but when he does, peoplelisten. "Cade's been running for eight years. Maybe it's time he stopped. Maybe facing it head-on is exactly what he needs."
"Or maybe it breaks him," Asher counters.
"Then we'll be there to pick up the pieces," Dallas says, speaking for the first time since his initial question. "Just because Cade's leaving doesn't mean we stop being his crew. Distance doesn't change that."
"Three hours isn't that far," Rowan adds, warming to the idea now. "We could visit. Make sure he's not completely losing his shit."
"I'd appreciate that," I say honestly. "Because I'm probably going to need you guys. All of you. This isn't going to be easy."
"Nothing in your life has ever been easy," Griffin points out. "Why start now?"
That gets a real laugh from me, and some of the tension breaks.
"How's the kid?" Rowan asks, changing the subject slightly. "Ruby, right? She seem cool with having you as a dad?"
"She's incredible." I can't help the smile that spreads across my face. "Smart, funny, fearless. Looks exactly like me, which terrifies Sierra. And she bonded with Scout in approximately three seconds, which has never happened with anyone else."
"Scout likes her?" Asher's eyebrows shoot up. "Your demon cat who hisses at everyone?"
"Ruby's apparently a cat whisperer." I shake my head, still amazed by it. "Scout was purring in her lap within minutes. It was surreal."
"That's actually kind of adorable," Rowan admits. "What else? What's she into?"
"Wants to be either a vet or a firefighter. Plays soccer, loves science, asks about a million questions a minute." The words come easily, and I realize I could talk about Ruby for hours. "She's got Sierra's kindness and apparently my complete lack of self-preservation."
"God help Sierra," Griffin mutters. "Raising a mini-you must be exhausting."
"She's managed for seven years." My smile fades slightly. "Seven years of doing it alone because I wasn't there."
"Because you didn't know," Hudson corrects firmly. "That's on Sierra, not you."
"Is it though?" I run a hand through my hair. "She made that choice because I was a mess. Because I left her and the town and everything we had. If I'd been stronger, if I'd stayed and dealt with my shit instead of running—"
"Then you might have dragged them both down with you," Dallas interrupts. "Or you might have resented them for trapping you there. Or a hundred other scenarios, none of which happened. You can't rewrite the past, Cade. You can only move forward."
"I know." I do know. Sierra and I talked about this yesterday, about forgiveness and second chances and not dwelling on the what-ifs. "I'm trying to focus on the future. On being the father Ruby deserves, the partner Sierra deserves."
"Partner?" Asher perks up. "So you and Sierra are… What, back together? After one weekend?"
"It's complicated," I hedge.
"Bullshit," Rowan says cheerfully. "You spent eight years celibate because of her. That's not complicated, that's 'completely and totally still in love.'"
"Did you—" Griffin starts, then stops. "Never mind, none of my business."
"We slept together," I admit, because there's no point in hiding it from these guys. "Yesterday, when Dallas took Ruby to the station."
