After Mom got sick, nothing that happened on the ice ever rattled me again. It just didn’t matter. None of it was real.
But standing alone at the altar, waiting for my bride, the stakes feel very real.
What if she gets cold feet? What if I’m a shitty husband, the way I’ve always been shitty at relationships, and I can’t make her happy?
Even if this marriage is just on paper, I want to do right by Lila.
I take a deep breath. Try to concentrate. I reach for my meditation training and focus on something concrete.
The arch behind me is decorated with white roses and trailing greenery and peonies the pink color of Lila’s hair. Even the sky is rose-gold, like it wanted to match her too. The mountains are dark and snow-capped and enormous against the sky. Rosemont behind me. Wild Rose in every direction.
If I was going to get married anywhere, it was always going to be here.
Tanner is beside me, fidgeting with his bolo tie. Rafe at the end, hands clasped, eyes on Rosemont. And Walker on my other side, annoyingly at-ease, like he wasn’t just as nervous at his own wedding not too long ago.
I glance at my watch.
Tanner nudges me. There’s a knowing smile on his face and I expect some snarky comment, but all he says, under his breath is, “Don’t worry. She’ll be here.”
I fucking hope so.
Our wedding is too small to have chairs arrayed for guests, so we agreed to arrange ourselves by the altar. My sister comes down the aisle first, giving me a wink. Josie’s eyes flicker across the rest of us and widen briefly when they land on Rafe. It’s rare to see him dressed up. He cleans up good. I guess we all do.
Sadie comes down the aisle next, a baby girl on each hip.Both Mari and Anne are little clones of her with their big smiles and copper curls, but they’ve got the Rhodes green eyes, two pair of them blinking wide at the flowers and the candles and the general spectacle of it all. Mari grabs a fistful of Sadie’s hair and holds on. Anne slaps a little hand against her mother’s chest and dives for a boob, evidently hungry.
Sadie doesn’t miss a step.
When she reaches the altar she turns to Walker. He’s already reaching for her—for them—before she gets there. She settles their daughter into the crook of his arm and he drops his chin to kiss the top of the baby’s head. Then looks at Sadie.
The intimacy that passes between them in that gaze makes me look away. Theirs is a real marriage. But this is as close as I’m ever gonna get, and I’m gonna savor every second of it.
Assuming my bride makes it down that aisle.
Jonah appears in the doorway next. He’s wearing his little black cowboy boots and a small bolo tie that matches Walker’s while holding the ring pillow out in front of him with both hands, careful as can be. He makes it halfway down the aisle before he looks up, finds me, and breaks into a grin.
I give him a nod. A silent,you got this.
He straightens his shoulders and keeps walking. When he reaches me he holds the pillow up for my inspection with great seriousness.
“Both rings,” he reports. “Counted them twice.”
“Good man,” I tell him.
He takes his place beside me. Then, in a loud whisper: “Are you nervous?”
“A little,” I say.
“Uncle Tanner said you’d be real nervous. He said you’d probably throw up.”
I glare at Tanner, who grins and winks at Jonah.
“I’m fine, JoJo,” I tellhim.
I’m not.
It feels like I’ve been standing up here for thirty years and all I want is confirmation that Lila is feeling okay, that she still wants to do this, that this isn’t the craziest thing either of us have ever done in our whole lives.
Then again, it probably is.
