I’d apologize forever if I had to.
“So you’re just breaking in to my house now, are you?”
I jumped at his voice and turned around to find him leaning against the archway, his arms crossed over his chest. It had only been four days since I’d last seen him, and there had been longer stretches where we hadn’t seen each other, my heart still skipped a beat and starting dancing around like it was about to be reunited with its other half, which I dearly hoped it would be. He’d been my other half since the day I’d first laid eyes on him.
But given the look on his face, I wasn’t so sure. Because if I thought Cooper could glare, he had nothing on Felix right this second. His normally warm blues had turned icy cold and as hard as the stone floor I was currently standing on.
I rubbed my hands on the top of my thighs, trying to dry the clamminess which had appeared on my palms. “Well, you wouldn’t pick up the phone, and I couldn’t figure out how to kidnap you.” I smiled weakly.
He didn’t budge. “Yeah, it’s really fucking annoying when someone won’t speak to you, isn’t it?”
“Okay,” I nodded to myself, “I deserve that, that’s fair.”
His biceps bulged as he stayed where he was and if looks could kill, I’d be in the back of an ambulance on the way to the emergency room while a paramedic attempted to shock me back to life.
His mouth stayed in a firm line. “I’m so fucking mad at you.”
“I know. That’s okay.”
“I told you, you could have a week.
“I know, I didn’t need it.” I rubbed my hands together, trying to stop them shaking from the adrenaline flooding my nervous system. “I didn’t need any time, Lex.”
His body relaxed a little, his arms loosening across his chest and I desperately wanted to run into them, but I waited. This was his move to make, and I’d give him all the time he needed.
He ran his tongue along his top teeth. “Care to explain why your old study timetable is on display?”
“Yes, yes.” I ran and pulled out a chair for him. “Please, sit down.”
He walked over to it so slowly I needed to take a deep breath to stop myself from shouting at him to hurry up, but I knew he was doing it on purpose because there was no way he was going to make this easy on me. I’d hurt him.
“I fucked up, Lex. So badly. I was an asshole. I’ve been an asshole, and you’ve been so patient.” I waited for him to agree, but he just stared at me with an eyebrow raised. I took a breath and continued. “I’m not good at being wrong, and it turns out I’m not very good at being a girlfriend either, but I am good atbeing organized and studying and being a surgeon. So I realized I just needed to transfer my skills over.”
He stayed silent, but his face softened slightly, and I walked over to the charts, pointing at the one filled with color and text. “This is my Fellowship schedule for the next year. The green is the hours I need to be in the lab or studying. Yellow is for surgery hours. The orange stripe is when I have breaks and free time, the pink is when we have sex.”
He tried not to visibly react to my words, but I noticed his eye twitch slightly and knew I was breaking through his wall. Because I’d tried to fit in as many pink boxes as I could. I wasn’t going to go a month without sex like Brooke had done.
He nodded to the blank board. “What’s that one?”
“This one is yours, and we can fill it in once we get your schedule for the new season. The two main colors are for away games and home games. Then when we have it, we can match it up to mine, and see what overlaps.”
I walked back over and stood in front of him, picking up his hand and holding it in mine. “I know you don’t like me saying sorry, but I am. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I hurt you and didn’t allow you to support me… and didn’t trust in us the way that you did.”
He glanced up at me until I couldn’t take it any longer. “Felix, please say something.”
He breathed in deep through his nose, his diaphragm expanding wide before letting it all out again. “Okay, we can try your schedule.”
My heart started beating double time. “We can?”
“Yes. As long as you know that when it comes time for those pink squares, I’m in charge. When we have sex, I’m in charge.”
I swallowed thickly, because my body knew what that meant. “Okay.”
He was staring silently past me at the boards and I started babbling nervously. “And then once my fellowship is over and your new season starts, we’ll make another one. We’ll do one for each year.”
He glanced back at me, staring as he slowly blinked, still not allowing me to read anything he was thinking. But he’d said we could try it, so that had to be something. That had to be a good start.
“Actually, we won’t have to make another one for me. Not like this anyway.”
