What did I do that set me on this trajectory of my life quicker than any curve ball?
I fell in love, that’s what.
Fourteen years ago – June
The electronic pinging noise of the doorbell grated against every single one of my nerve endings, because every single one of them was already flooded with the adrenaline which had me shivering in the ninety-degree California heat.
I rarely used the front door; the tree outside her bedroom was my regular form of entry, and I counted twenty-two anxiety-inducing seconds before the door swung open.
“Jupiter.” Noah Matthews’ deep, booming voice always carried a degree of sternness whenever he addressed me. “I hear congratulations are in order. Dodgers, eh? Well done.”
He stuck his hand out for a shake, which I reluctantly took. I wanted this over as quickly as possible. I did not want to be making small talk with my soon-to-be ex-girlfriend’s father – who didn’t like me anyway.
“Thank you, sir.” I shoved my hands back in my pockets, trying to wipe away the clamminess while we stood in awkward silence.
I’d never been able to read Noah Matthews, never been able to tell whether he was happy or not. He was one of those men who always seemed slightly disapproving, though that was probably everything to do with the fact I was a jock dating his precious only daughter, the one he thought was ruining her life; her future.
I’d disapprove too.
He’d soon get his wish, because what I was about to do would have him sleeping soundly, filled with relief… and definitely hating me.
“Marnie!” he hollered into the house.
It wasn’t the first time he hadn’t invited me in, but this time I didn’t care. There was no place for me in that house anymore.
She appeared like a tornado; a beautiful solar windstorm blowing away everything in its path, flinging herself into my arms with a squeal, her legs wrapping around my waist. The heat of her body that I usually relished set in motion a cold sweat which exacerbated my shaking.
I didn’t notice Noah leave, but when I put her back down on the ground, he was no longer standing there, and the door was closed.
My lips found hers for one last time, tasting the cherry LifeSavers she always crunched on for me. My fingers lanced through her silky, dark chocolate strands until they cupped her cheeks… one last time.
One last time I held her to my chest and deeply inhaled the subtle coconut shampoo she always used.
I peeled her arms from around my neck and stepped back to look at her; soak in how beautiful she was, how her thick lashes always looked like she’d drawn around them with a fine tipped marker, how her cheeks were always the perfect shade of peach until I’d kissed her, when they’d darken to berry pink.
I needed to commit it all to memory.
One last time.
“Oh, Jupe! You did it. You did it! I’m so proud of you. A Dodger for life! You’re a Dodger now!” she gasped, tears glistening in her bright, emerald eyes.
Aurora Borealis green I’d told her once, after she’d explained to me what the Aurora Borealis was. She was so fucking smart; my smartest Star.
The tension I was carrying in my jaw was giving me a throbbing headache.
“Babe, are you okay?” Marnie reached her soft little hand up and tried to stroke my cheek, the way she knew I loved.
But this time I stopped her hand from touching me. If she touched me, I’d never be able to do this; go through with it. I needed to let go of her hand, but I didn’t want to.Couldn’t.
I needed to look away from her face, but I didn’t want to.Couldn’t.
She watched me roll my lips, furrows deepening on her perfect, smooth forehead.
I coughed away the tension in my throat, or tried to. “Marnie, we need to talk.”
That did it. I never called her Marnie. She was only ever Marn, only ever my Star. She stepped back; her eyes, which a minute ago had been glistening with love and excitement, were now filled with fear and confusion.
“Jupiter? What’s going on?” she asked, her quiet voice far steadier than mine. The terror in it, however, shot right through my heart like a poisoned arrow through an apple.
