“Does anyone know that you were married?” asked Lowe in a hushed tone while she scanned around to make sure we weren’t overheard, as though I’d just told her I’d committed a federal crime.
I laughed loudly, which had a medicinal effect on the tension wrapping around my spine like a boa constrictor. “Yes, people know. It wasn’t a secret.”
“Does Jupiter know?”
“Well, considering we haven’t spoken since the day we broke up, I’d say no.” I shrugged.
“Penn never mentioned it.”
“I didn’t tell Penn.”
The pair of them looked at each other sheepishly, like there was more to their statement, but it was at this point the barista came back with our coffees.
I took a sip of mine, savoring the warmth and its rich, potent flavors which almost immediately made my heart pound a little harder. At least I thought it was the coffee, but I was probably wrong.
I put the cup down and drew in a deep breath.
“Last year, I’d had to go to D.C. for a meeting at N.A.S.A. headquarters. I’d spent all day there, and it was late by the time I finally got to my hotel. I was in the elevator, and a group of guys got in and began talking. I wasn’t really listening to them, but then one of them said ‘Jupiter’.” I picked up a sachet of Sweet‘N’Low and began running the edges between my fingers. “Now, N.A.S.A isn’t exactly the best place to go if you don’t want to hear that word, but I’d normalized hearing it at work – especially as the agency is developing a new space mission to further study the planets. But I wasn’t at work, and it took me thirty seconds before I realized they weren’t talking about space. They were talking about baseball and Jupiter,myJupiter. I guess The Dodgers were playing in the city or something, and he’d had a good game. As I was listening, it dawned on me that Jupiter was there, in the city where I was. For the first time since we’d broken up, or since I’d left for school, we were in the same place. By the time the elevator stopped on their floor and they got out, I was shaking like my body was going through G-Force training. I barely made it into my room before I threw up everything, which wasn’t much. Then the crying started. I spent the next two days coming to terms with the fact that as much as I’d tried to get over him, our breakup had a profound effect on me. I was totally in love and totally heartbroken. All that time and nothing had changed. It’s so dumb. I was sixteen years old! Everyone gets their heart broken, but here I am, aged thirty, and still crying about it.”
I sipped at my coffee again, soothing my parched mouth from all my talking. I thought Lowe and Beulah might jump in with questions, but they didn’t.
That would happen thick and fast, soon enough.
“I flew back to Houston and tried to gather my thoughts. David, my ex-husband, was on a mission, so I had time, butthat was when Penn started calling me. He must have called twenty times.” I chuckled as Lowe groaned loudly. “And I didn’t know who he was, so I Googled him; he’d just taken ownership here, which made no sense to me. What would he want with me? I know nothing about baseball. I tried to ignore him, but he was so persistent. Then David returned and it became clear I had no interest in our marriage. We flitted from one mundane conversation to another, never touching, and I realized that while I loved David, I wasn’tinlove with him…” I began tracing my fingers around the rim of my coffee cup, “maybe never had been. We’d spend eight months of the year apart, and it always seemed acceptable to me. But in reality, it was avoidance. I filed for divorce. Penn kept calling, so I eventually went to meet him, determined to tell him I wasn’t interested and to leave me alone. Working for a baseball team was too close to Jupiter’s world. But instead, I came away with a new job.”
I paused, waiting to see if Lowe and Beulah had something,anythingto say, but they were both still staring with wide eyes, silently sipping their coffee. Or Beulah was; Lowe’s coffee was untouched, and most likely cold.
“My life had imploded. I couldn’t concentrate at work, I couldn’t do my job, so I convinced myself that change would be good, that perhaps being in Jupiter’s world would be good, help me move on. I promised Penn I would stay for a year, and signed the contract,” I pointed to Beulah, “your contract.”
Her mouth drew into a solemn line, the berry lips almost disappearing. She knew what was coming; I could see the remorse written all over her face. “You didn’t know Jupiter had already signed at The Lions?”
I shook my head. “No. I tried everything I could to get out of it, but my lawyer said there was nothing I could do without it costing me a fortune.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not your fault; you were doing your job.” I looked between them. “We’re required to go through therapy and psychometric testing at work, but I hadn’t had my own therapist for over a decade. That morning I found one, went over, and downloaded everything onto her. I was there for three hours. Her diagnosis was that I had some kind of PTSD; I needed closure, and that’s how I should approach the job. So here I am, in a city I don’t know with a job I can’t do. But… closure, right?”
I rolled my eyes at the last statement but sat back feeling lighter, as if the burden I’d been carrying had suddenly been diluted somehow.
“Sorry, that’s a lot to take in. I didn’t mean to dump. I promise I’m not a weirdo.”
I gave them a second to absorb my life story. Lowe started first.
“Oh, Marnie, I’m so sorry.” She reached over and covered my hand with hers, and surprisingly, I didn’t want to cry in frustration, which was new. “That must have been so hard for you to deal with alone. Does your family know?”
“My brother, Will, is in the navy on deployment, so I haven’t been able to talk to him. My parents think that David and I grew apart. It wasn’t hard to believe, seeing as we barely saw each other. My therapist said I picked him because we spent so much time apart, so it was easy to keep my independence.” I rolled my eyes again, and snorted because it was all so obvious now.
I was supposed to be smart, yet it had taken over a decade and someone else to figure it out.
Beulah put her coffee down slowly, and looked up at me. “I know we just met, but I’m proof you can completely change your life. It’s never too late. And I understand what it’s like to hold onto something for so long.”
I smiled softly. I was positive she had more to add to that, but I didn’t want to push it the very first time we’d met. I hadn’thad a lot of girlfriends before, and was kind of liking it. “Thank you. I’ll be okay, I’m just angry I’ve got myself into this situation. I should have never said yes to Penn. I could have dealt with my divorce and my feelings for Jupiter back in Houston. I didn’t need to come to New York for that.”
“If it makes you feel better, it’s very hard to say no to Penn.”
Surprisingly, that did make me feel a little better. Not much, though.
Out of the corner of my eye I noticed the waiter approach, then turn away. One look at Lowe and I realized her glare had stopped him from interrupting us a second time. I let out a small laugh, because I realized I was about to get to the one question I’m sure they’d been dying to ask all morning.
