“Yeah, and I was eighteen and completely in love withyou. Was it the best decision I’ve ever made? Fuck, no! And could I have handled it differently? Yes! But I was just as pissed and heartbroken as you were. You can’t hold it against me now, Marnie. It’s not fair.”
She was biting down so hard on her lip I was afraid she’d bite though it. Tears fell thick and fast down her gorgeous face. “You don’t get it, do you? I got married to a man I didn’t have to spend time with, and then divorced him. But you… ours was the relationship I mourned. You are the one I mourned. You died. We died. I can’t survive that again!”
There was no anger in my voice, but her tears were piercing my heart like they usually did because she wasn’t listening to me. “Not good enough. I’m not dead, Marn. I’m alive and kicking, and I live for loving you. Maybe I could have made a better choice back then, but so could you. I can’t change the past, but I can make sure our future has us living it together.” She dropped her head, but I lifted it. She needed to see me when I spoke my next words, needed to see it in my eyes; see the love that coursed through them, that always had. That she was the fluid that ignited me, she was the fuel that burned through my veins and scorched my blood. “Fourteen years, three months, and thirteen days, Marnie. That's how many days I've loved you, and you've been my first and last thought for every single fucking one. So I guess the question is whether you’re going to let me.”
Her arms dropped to her sides, and her shoulders fell. “What do you want me to do, Jupiter?”
I put the bottle of water down. “I want you to admit I’m your boyfriend. I want you to admit that we’re meant to be together. That you love me.”
“Where are you going?” she asked as she followed me to the door, almost at a full sprint, panic building in her voice.
I couldn’t stop myself from brushing my knuckles against her cheek. “I’m going home. You need to figure out what you want your future to look like, and I don’t want to be here if you decide it doesn’t include me.”
I kissed the top of her head as she broke into heavy, rasping sobs; every single one a bullet to my chest.
When I reached the elevator and glanced up, her face had dropped into her hands, her chest heaving like she couldn’t breathe. I watched until the doors closed, and for the second time in my life, I left Marnie Matthews on her doorstep, holding my heart while I walked away.
Chapter 81
Present Day
“Oh. What are you doing here?”
Emerson held up the Fed-Ex package I’d been expecting when I opened the door, the one the concierge said was on its way up.
He failed to mention it wasn’t being brought by the Fed-Ex guy.
“Nice to see you too, Marn,” Emerson said somewhat sarcastically as she kissed my cheek when she walked in.
I took the box she pushed at me and closed the door behind her.
“In my defense, I wasn’t exactly expecting you.” I followed her through to the living room, and dropped the box on the table. “You wanna tell me why you’re here?”
I walked over to the kitchen and flicked on the coffee machine, expecting her to answer but she didn’t. I peered around the kitchen wall to find her sitting at the telescope, which Jupiter had graciously moved nearer to the window. And that was only because he said he couldn’t ‘adequately fuck you in every inch of your apartment if this is in the middle of the floor’.
A full body shudder erupted at the memory.
Pulling the hair tie off my wrist, I scraped everything up into a messy bun. “Emerson?”
“You know there’s a guy over there jerking off?”
“What?”
She moved away from the telescope, stood up, and squinted out of the window before returning to the telescope. “Yes, there,” I followed her finger to the huge glass and copper building thirty blocks away, the one that bounced the sunlight off its beams every morning, blinding me for fifteen minutes before the earth shifted a little further along its day.
I nudged her to the side and looked through the scope; there was indeed a guy jerking off. I briefly wondered if it would be hotter if he were hotter.
“Gross.” I turned to my guest who still hadn’t answered my question. “Em…”
Emerson moved away from the live porn show. “I just wanted to check on you, see if you were okay. But actually…” She tilted her head, and gave me a very thorough once over, “you look like you are, so now I want to know why.”
I peered down at my pajamas; the one covered in eggs and bacon, toast and coffee. Beyond me wondering what gave her the impression I looked okay, they were making me hungry. And Emerson looked like she’d come straight from the gym.
“Are you hungry? I mean for proper food. If you’re expecting green juice you’ve come to the wrong place. I can make you some of Jupiter’s matcha though.”
Her head shook vigorously. “No thanks, I’ve been in New York long enough to drink coffee. Drew would never have matcha in the house.”
“Sensible,” I grinned. Jupiter and I had had many discussions over the virtue of coffee versus matcha.
