“What?” I yell, shoving Timalah’s arms away so I can face him. He looks down at the ground between us, not meeting my eyes. I feel my own prickle with unshed tears as the weight of what he’s just said slams into me with full force. “Today?”
He gives me a small nod before his eyes finally lift. The look he gives me steals my breath. He looks so lost in a way I’ve never seen before. Timalah is always so sure, but right now he looks anything but.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t want to think about it,” Timalah says, his voice growing hard. His arms cross over his chest, his stance closing off. It’s the opposite of what I want. “Our time together was good, Miles. Thebest,” he breathes, his voice cracking. “Not matter what happens, I trust in the ancestors’ decision.”
“And what aboutmydecision, huh? Don’t I get a fucking say in this? I want you, Timalah. I want to be with you. But I’m notLayperry. I don’t believe the same things you do, damnit.”
Timalah’s cheeks turn almost purple as they heat up. I watch as some of the fire leaves him and I wanna yell and scream andfight. But just then, Ghenie is coming around to my backyard.
“I’m sorry,” he says, his voice achingly gentle, leaving me further off-balanced. It would be easy if he hated me, if they both did. But instead I can feel the way they care. I can tell how much Timalah wants to stay and love me. It’s not fair, not really. Because I’m not like them, I’m only human.
Timalah turns to leave but I step into his space, stopping him with a hand on his wrist. He freezes, looking down at me. Lifting my hand, I cup his cheek, raising up on my toes in order to kiss him. It’s a barely there press of our lips against each other before he’s turning away and walking towards Ghenie without lookingback. Ghenie nods his head to me before they’re both gone, leaving me all alone in my backyard.
A single tear falls down my cheek as sorrow and frustration well up inside of me. I let it bubble and bubble and bubble before I’m crying out, lifting my head up to the sky and screaming. With that out of my system, I look down at the ground where Timalah’s blade still stands.
I might be human, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love Timalah. I love him with every fiber of my being. And I know without a doubt, that he loves me too. I’m notLayperrybut I’m willing to take a shot at the chance of being with Timalah. I’m willing to do what it takes for him, for us.
I lean down and pick the blade up, plucking it from the dirt. I hold it the same way Timalah taught me. Determination thrums just under my skin.
I know what I have to do.
Chapter Nine
Timalah
I keep my shoulders back, my steps steady as I walk away from the man I love, pretending like each step isn’t somehow breaking me even further. My chest is shattering into a million pieces, each one crying out for me to turn around and be with mymatron, each one begging for Miles to put them back together.
I hold myself together until I hear him scream in frustration. I break. The tears I were just barely holding back finally fall. But I don’t look back, I keep marching forward. I know my brothers can feel my pain and I don’t even try to hide it, knowing it would be too much effort to put that wall up between us.
“You’ll be okay,” Ghenie says gently, his hand on my upper arm. “I believe in this ritual. The ancestors will look upon you and see your heart, Timalah. They’re not cruel, but instead lead us on the path we are meant to be on. They’re the ones who lead us to Earth in the first place.”
I nod my head, latching onto his words, wishing I could believe them. But the only way Miles and I end up together is if he entersthematurous trial, and after I’ve only just sprung the news on him now, without any warning, I don’t think I’ll be seeing him at the town square.
My heart aches as his words play over and over inside my head. The reminder of his voice as he told me he wasn’t like me, that he’s not aLayperry, further serves at taking away any hope Ghenie is attempting to give me.
I might believe in my ancestors, but Miles certainly doesn’t, and I’m not so sure my faith is enough for the both of us.
I try to keep my head held high as we walk into the city. The crowd is already gathering in the town square. Dressed in my best leathers, I step up onto the raised platform alongside Ghenie. I take a deep breath, letting the cool air soothe me, even if it’s effect is slight compared to the chaos going on inside of me. I’ll take the small reprieve.
Saphorica’smaturous trialwasn’t that long ago, and yet, the mood surrounding the town square is completely different. Before, there were smiling faces and joyous emotions as we all celebrated two of our own coming together. Today, there’s a tenseness. I can see three of my comrades stretching, preparing for when the time comes. My heartachesand bile burns the back of my throat. They’re good men. Some of the best. But they are not the one my heart longs for.
Ghenie stands beside me, looking out at our people. He’s already opened the entrance to the trial and everyone’s eyes are front and centered on us, waiting with baited breath. Ghenie’s hand touches my own and I hear his voice within my mind.
There’s one more thing I must tell you, he says carefully.When it is time for you to run, please be careful.
I’m always careful,I tell him.
You are careful for your own life. But now, you must be careful for yours and the one growing within you.
Before I can respond, Ghenie is giving me one last look before turning and greeting the crowd. My heart is racing and my hands begin to shake. It takes all of my self control not to touch my stomach right now as everyone watches. The life within me? Is he saying I’m pregnant?
My breath hitches. Somehow I just know. Miles and I have created a life, one that Ghenie has already felt because he’s ourToralleh. I’m pregnant with Miles’ child, about to experience mymaturous trial.
Fuck.
I look up at the sky for only a moment, sending up a last ditch prayer to our ancestors, begging them to show a sign that this trial isn’t the right way, that Miles and I are supposed to be together, lightning coming down from the sky,anything.
