That’s when I see him.
Christian is here. Christian is back onDeltourah. All of my hope has been rewarded with himhere, standing before me once more.
My knees grow weak and my stomach swoops almost violently. I do my best to close the link once more, closing myself off so I can have these emotions all to myself. When it comes to Christian, I am greedy. I don’t want to share him, I don’t want to share the way he makes me feel.
His hair is just as messy as I remember it, maybe even more so as he’s let it grow out a bit while he was gone. His brown eyes look around before finally locking onto me. By the Ancestors, he’s just as beautiful as I remember.
He steps into my space and before I can process what is happening, his hands reach out and grab a fistful of my shirt. Then he’s pulling me down and kissing me square on the mouth.
In an instant, I’m transported back to that night about a year ago. Christian is at my door, telling me he’s leaving in the morning but wanting to spend one night with me. Foolishly, I thought that if I gave him that, he would end up staying. We kissed. We touched. We fucked. It was everything I hoped it would be, but in the morning he still left.
All too quickly, Christian is pulling away. Without a word or second glance, he walks away from me again, this time into Miles’ arms. The two are hugging and holding each other. My heart is glad for them while also being broken simultaneously.
My fingers go to my lips, touching them, wondering briefly if the way they tingle is all in my head. Did he really just kiss me? Is he truly back? Will he be here to stay this time?
All of that happens in a matter of seconds before I’m composing myself. I turn towards the crowd, lifting my hands to get their attention. As much as I wish to dissect every bit of that encounter, I still have a duty to fulfill.
“We welcome everyone here whether they’re returning or only just starting their stay here! Tonight, we celebrate!”
There are cheers and joy through the air. My heart is racing in my chest and the voices are getting harder and harder to ignore. I carefully swing Maribel off my back and onto my chest, tucking her against myself. Her soft snores help soothe the ache inside of me.
I walk through the crowd, needing a place of quiet to catch my breath. Christian is back, which is everything I’ve been dreaming of. But I hadn’t thought about what that would mean for the two of us and Maribel. Now that he is here, what now?
Chapter Two
Christian ~About A Year Ago~
I sit out on my porch, watching as the sun slowly sets. The sky turns a dazzling purple color, reminding me of Gendry’s skin. What is it about this place that makes me all philosophical and shit?
I let out a deep sigh, rubbing tiredly at my eyes. Tomorrow is the day. Tomorrow I leave this planet and don’t look back. I need to find my place in the world and that place doesn’t feel like it’s supposed to be here.
What the fuck does belonging even feel like? How does a person know they’re in the place they’re supposed to be?
This feels like one of those things a parent is supposed to teach you growing up but what would I know about that? My parents were in and out of my life. Sometimes they’d be gone so long I’d have to go stay with my grandmother. Other times I crashed at my friends’ houses until their parents started getting concerned. No matter how much I cried or begged or pleaded for them tostay, they’d always end up leaving. The pull of their next fix was too strong for them even in the face of their child.
Maybe it’s better this way. I can leave before the one person I trust most leaves me. I can be the one to run away for once. It’ll be a nice change.
It’s my last night here and I’m sitting on my porch all alone. How fucking sad. I took a chance when I decided to come here and now I’m scared shitless to step outside the box again. I’m terrified of being burned. I’m terrified of leaning on someone only to have them pull away, leaving me floundering and flat on the ground.
Fuck.
I’m so fucking tired of being terrified. I’m so fucking tired of never letting myself try because I’m terrified of the what if.
It’s my last night here, and I’m ready to take a chance. I’ll be gone tomorrow, leaving this place and these people behind. It’s time for me to say fuck it and admit what I want.
What I want is Ghenie.
The man ticks each and every one of the buttons I didn’t know I had. He leaves me breathless while also winding me up more than anyone else I’ve ever met. He’s always in control, always strait-laced, always rising above. He makes me feel things I don’t want to examine. I’m jealous of the way he’s put together. I’m intimidated by his presence.
I desperately want to see that resolve crack. I want to see past the curtain, I want to see past the facade he puts on. He’s the leader of his people but past that, surely he’s just a man like everyone else. I want to know what makes him tick, what makes the plastered persona slip away.
Poking at him has become one of my favorite pastimes here and the more he holds firm, the more addicted I am to pushing him. He’s in control but fuck, I want to be the one to make him slip.
Ghenie is a good man, there’s no denying that. Not only is he beautiful but he’s also kind and generous and just. He knows when to smile but he also knows when to show his displeasure. All around, I can confidently say that watching him has burned a fire inside my chest. I’m slowly growing obsessed, which is just another reason for me to get the hell out of here. I can’t befallingfor someone! I can’t let them have that type of power over me!
Standing up, I find my feet moving before I’ve even realized I’ve made a conscious decision. I walk down the road towards town, already instinctively knowing where my legs are taking me. There’s only one person I want to spend tonight with and it’s a toss up if he’ll even allow it.
I’m not an idiot. I keep people at arm’s length but I can still see when someone is attracted to me. I’ve caught Ghenie staring at me. I’ve caught the way his eyes light up when I speak with him. I know this attraction isn’t one sided.
