“She still needs to eat or she will be awake again in half an hour.”
“Shit, I hadn’t thought of that. Sorry.”
“No need to be sorry. You are new to all this. You will catch on to the routine soon enough,” I say without thinking. I’m not even sure hewantsto be part of our routine. I’m not sure of anything when it comes to Christian.
Christian hands Maribel over to me and I make quick work of pulling my shirt down in order to give her access to her meal. She latches beautifully.
“I would like that,” Christian says eventually, pulling my eyes away from my daughter and up to her other father. “To be part of her routines. If you’ll let me.”
“Of course,” I say right away. “There is nothing I want more than for you to be a part of her life, Christian. I don’t think I’ll ever stop being sorry for not being able to contact you sooner. I kept overthinking every single decision I made and the Ancestors’ voices didn’t make things easier. I wanted to send a ship to Earth early, to have someone tell you.”
“Hey,” Christian says, cutting me off. “Everything worked out in the end, that’s what matters. Even if the voices in your head are dicks.”
“Oh, they did not like that,” I say, bringing my free hand to my nose, pinching the bridge. “Maybe don’t insult them right before I am supposed to go back to sleep?”
“Shit, sorry,” Christian says with a wince. Under his breath I hear him call them fuckheads but I don’t call him out on it. “Here, you should drink this. I know breastfeeding can make you dehydrated.”
I take the water from him, sipping on it as Maribel continues to eat. This is such a small gesture but it means the world to me. He’s taking care of me in his own way, making sure I’m healthy. How am I supposed to keep my feelings locked away when he’s showing me kindness? How am I supposed to not fall even more in love with him when he is finally showing the soft side of himself instead of only the thorny parts?
“Thank you, Christian.”
“Don’t mention it,” he says. “Don’t need people hearing that I’m secretly a softie. I have a reputation to uphold.”
I can’t help but smile. After setting the rest of the water on my nightstand, I look up at Christian. “Your secret is safe with me. I feel special. I alone get to see this soft side of you.”
I know that I am pushing my luck, but I can’t help it. I’m so tired that it’s hard to keep my eyes open. I’m warm in my bed with my child resting against my chest. My mate ishere. How could I not be just a little bit sappy.
“You are special,” he says softly, so quiet I almost miss it. “Are you okay? Do you want me to stay?”
I want him to stay. I want him in this bed with me. I want him as my mate.
“You can go back to sleep, Christian. After this, she should sleep through the rest of the night.”
“Perfect. Good night, Ghenie.”
“Good night, Christian.”
Once Maribel is fed and burped, I set her back in her bassinet. Then I lie back and almost immediately fall back asleep.
I wake up to the sun shining through the window. It has been a long time since I’ve slept in like this. I sit up, looking down at Maribel only to find her bassinet empty. For a split second, panic overwhelms me. In the next second, I remember Christian.
Standing up, I hear him singing again. He must have woken up and grabbed Maribel before she could wake me up. I’m surprised she hasn’t been crying for more milk, but maybe Christian’s voice has been entertaining her enough for now.
I get dressed and tie my hair into a knot at the top of my head before leaving the bedroom. I follow the sound to the kitchen, finding Christian there, swaying back and forth with Maribel tucked against his chest.
Leaning my hip against the doorframe, I just stay right where I am and watch him. He’s looking out the window, his back to me. He looks good. Better than good, Christian looks healthy, happy, and light.
The last time he was here, something weighed against his shoulders. Even now, I still see traces of that prickly asshole I came to care about, but now the edges are filed down into something more manageable. His jabs are more in jest than they are to hurt.
He’s still mypruist, but now he’s different. He’s grown while he was gone. It’s made him into a better man, into someone who can be a better father. I try not to get my hopes up but I can’t stop wondering if this difference will make him a better partner as well. If he wants to be my partner, that is.
“Good morning,” I say, making Christian turn around in surprise.
Christian’s cheeks turn red and his features harden. “How long have you been standing there?”
“Long enough,” I tell him with a grin. In response, Christian rolls his eyes. The gesture makes my heart skip a beat. It’s been far too long since I’ve seen him like this.
“Whatever. The only reason I’m singing and swaying is because of the baby. She deserves the world even if her dad is a prickly asshole.”
