Sometimes, when we’re in bed, we’ll exchange soft kisses, heated frottage, or quick handjobs. We never talk about it. We never touch each other outside of those moments unless it’s platonic slaps on the back or offering the other their mug.
It’s become our norm, even if it’s eating a hole inside of me. I want more. I want all of Wade, but I know I have no right to ask for that. I can’t expect him to give me more than he’s already giving me.
I want to greet him with a kiss in the morning. I want to hug him when he comes back inside after dealing with the snow. Iwant to feel his cock in my mouth or have him inside of me. I wanteverythingthat Wade is willing to give me.
I can’t ask. I can’t. This thing between us is too precious, too precarious. One little nudge and it could topple everything over the edge in the wrong direction. We’re literally stuck together, I can’t tell him my feelings! What if he doesn’t feel the same way? What if I’m just a warm body in a sea of undead? One of us would feel too awkward and want to leave.
No, it’s better to just learn to be content with what’s happening between us right now.
If I never bring it up, then things don’t have to change.
Fuck. How did this happen? How did I fall so thoroughly for Wade? One second, he’s just the guy I’ve hitched my wagon to but somewhere along the way, between the day I shaved his head and the day I finally kissed him, something inside of me changed.
I’m brought out of my spiral by the front door opening and Wade stepping inside. He shakes his jacket out before peeling it off and hanging it beside the door. He looks up at me, giving me the smallest smile. My insides twist around inside of me violently with how much I love to see his face, how much I adore his smile now that it’s starting showing up more.
“All done with the snow,” he says, nodding towards the door. “I noticed we’re almost out of meat. I’ll go back out later today and hunt something down for us.”
“Sounds good,” I say, trying to keep my voice clear. “I just finished breakfast.”
I managed to make something that resembles biscuits along with some cuts of thick bacon from a deer Wade hunted down and brought home. It’s not much but it’s hot and it’ll keep us feeling full.
Sliding the plate onto the table, we sit down across from each other.
“Thanks, Briggs.”
“No worries,” I say with a little chuckle. “If you’re out there doing all the hard work, it’s only right I’m in here making you a hot meal.”
“I like the snow,” Wade says with a shrug. “I kinda wanna shift and just roll around in it.”
“You can,” I say, taking a bite of my biscuit. “No one is stopping you.”
Wade hums. “I don’t know. Feels kinda silly.”
“You’re allowed to be silly.”
His eyes narrow. “Feels kinda dangerous.”
“How so?”
“I don’t know. What if I don’t notice a zombie while I’m being a dumbass? What if I don’t hear someone approaching? It’s not safe to be silly anymore.”
I understand where Wade is coming from, I really do. I want us to be as safe as possible. I want this place to beours. We’ve put so much effort into securing a perimeter around the cabin, making sure there’s fences that will keep zombies out.
Even so, none of that will ever be enough for Wade. It’s so hard for him to trust any of it, especially after all he’s been through. I understand it, yet it breaks my heart all the same.
“I can always sit outside while you do it. I’ll pay attention while you’re having your fun.”
Wade shakes his head but there’s a little smile playing at his lips. “That’s way too embarrassing.”
I give a little pout. “I bet you’d look so cute rolling around in the snow.”
“You just want an excuse to pet me.”
“Guilty as charged,” I say with a giggle. In response, I get an eyeroll back. It’s so incredibly endearing that it takes all of my self-control not to actually sigh out loud.
Jesus Christ, I need to keep my shit together.
After we’re done eating, I take our plates and wash them off, using the bucket of water we have in the kitchen. Then I make my way into the living room, sitting on the little couch in front of the fire. Wade joins me, staring at the flames.
