He does that a lot. Chuckles. I can’t decide if I like the sound or not. Every time, I find myself flinching, waiting to be the butt of someone’s joke. Instead, Briggs gives me an easy smile.
“Sure, it’s a small town, but why hasn’t anyone else raided it? Something feels wrong.”
Briggs hums. “I suppose you’re onto something. There’s also a suspiciously small amount of zombies. Maybe everyone in the town left all at once?”
“Maybe,” I say slowly, completely unconvinced.
We walk into the house, going slowly. I don’t hear anything and my shoulders fall away from my ears, the tension leaving my body.
The first place I go is the kitchen while Briggs heads into the house further, looking for the bathroom. I have a backpack andI’m slowly getting it full. I still need to find someone the same size as me so I can get some spare clothes. The ones I’m wearing are disgusting and I can’t wait to get out of them and maybe find a river to bathe in. I’m gonna burn these clothes. If I can get them to catch fire, that is. They might be too greasy for that.
“Score,” I whisper to myself as I open a cabinet and find a variety of canned goods. I won’t be able to take them all because it’ll make my backpack too heavy, but I’ll be properly stocked for a while.
I don’t know why, but as I go through all the cabinets, I keep looking for popcorn. When I realize I’m doing it, I growl to myself. What is it about Briggs that makes me wanna find him some popcorn? Sure, he saved me, but I don’towehim anything. I shake my head, trying to clear it as I continue looking for supplies.
After filling my bag with as much as I can carry, I move over to the living room. There’s a lot of religious imagery on the walls. Crosses and pictures of Jesus and bible quotes on scenic backgrounds.
I look around, taking in all the pictures. The husband in the pictures looks like he has a similar build to me. That’s perfect. Maybe I can finally change out of these nasty ass shorts.
“Jackpot,” Briggs says, coming into the room. He passes me two toothbrushes, still in the box, some toothpaste, and two packs of dental floss. “No more dentists so it’s extra important to take care of your teeth.”
“I never thought about that,” I say, putting the supplies into my bag. “Too busy thinking about escaping to worry about my teeth.”
Briggs pauses for a moment, giving me a look. “Well,” he says slowly. “Now that you’re free, you’ll have lots of things to worry about.”
“I’d rather worry about them than count down the days until a virus finally takes me out.” I let the words land between us. The silence that follows is awkward and oppressive. I sigh. “I never thought about it, but wouldn’t it be shit if the apocalypse happened while you had braces.”
“Fuck,” Briggs murmurs, running his fingers through his hair. Just like that, the tension is gone again. “That would be awful. At the same time, I would totally watch that movie.”
“Just a guy traveling through the wastelands, on the look out for a dentist who’ll finally remove the metal from his teeth.”
“That’s compelling stuff right there. Cast a super hot actor as the lead and it would sell like hot cakes.”
I find myself smiling. As soon as I realize it’s happening, I look at the ground, schooling my features. I’m annoyed at myself. I can’t let my guard down. I can’t let anyone in. Look what happened the last time I let myself feel safe.
“I’m gonna try to find some pants,” I say quickly, leaving the room. I walk through the house until I find the bedroom.
My heart thumps against my ribs inside my chest almost painfully. I feel like a puppy who’s so desperate for attention he’ll wag his tail for anyone willing to toss him a scrap of kindness. I’ve been beaten and abused, but I still want to believe that Briggs is a good person and won’t fuck me over. I’m so desperate to not be alone that my heart wants to trust quickly even when every other part of me is screaming for me torun.
I’m being pulled in two opposite directions. One tells me to stay with Briggs so neither of us has to deal with this fucked up world alone. The other part tells me to never trust again and that I’m better off alone.
I rummage through the closet, doing my best to settle the war inside my head. If I don’t think about it, surely the war will end on its own, right?
“Bingo,” I whisper to myself, finding clean clothes that will fit. I quickly get naked and pull on a new pair of boxers, some jeans, and a white shirt. That’ll get dirty really quick but I don’t give a fuck. For the first time in a long ass time, I feel like a human again. I’m more than just an animal or a monster, I’m also a man.
I stuff some extra clothes into my bag before moving over to the mirror on the wall. I stare at myself for a long time, just taking my reflection in. It’s been so long since I’ve seen myself, I’ve almost forgotten what I look like.
My green eyes look hallowed and haunted. There are dark rings under them. Hopefully now that I’m free, those will slowly go away. My body is broad and strong despite everything it’s gone through. The hair on my head is dark but matted beyond repair from the lack of care or washing. I’ll have to shave it off. My face remains hairless except for my bushy dark eyebrows, one of which has a scar running through it. I’ve never been able to grow facial hair and that feels like a blessing now. One less thing to worry about.
With one last look in the mirror, I turn away and try to find Briggs again. I find him sitting in the kitchen, sharpening some knives he’s found.
“Hey,” he says, looking up. He gives me a small smile as he takes in my new clothes. “Looking good.”
I run my hands over my shirt. “Thanks. The white won’t last long but this was better than all the dress shirts in the closet.”
Briggs stands up and points at the chair he was just sat in. “Want me to umm, shave your head for you?”
I nod my head and sit down. When I was a little boy, my mother once told me that trauma is stored in our hair. Obviously as a kid, I thought that was bullshit but now, as Briggs slowly and carefully shaves my head, I realize maybe she was onto something.
