My sinking heart? Yeah, it’s all the way to the ground floor lobby by now. Because what opens in the notes app, is a meticulously organized, detailed checklist of not just protein brands—but links to their corresponding ingredient labels.
Most brands are crossed out. And a few have‘try this next #1’typed next to them.
I swipe out of the note and freeze yet again.
Staring—no, jumping—at me are the words‘His favs version 2’.
Somehow I know what I’ll find there, if the protein shake list is anything to go by.
I open it anyway.
There, in front of me, are hundreds of words of my favoriteeverything. From my favorite entree to the formal wear brand I love the most.
I chuckle when I scroll to the wine section where she has cheekily written‘anything white, hates red for no logical reason.’
My smile disappears just as quickly, because this is proof that I’ve always loved the way she loved me. But I miserably failed to love her back the same way.
So I lock her phone again, put it aside, and cry. Silently. Because I don’t know what else to do.
I’ve done everything—changed my schedule, showed up, made space, made noise, held back, leanedin. And still, I don’t know if it’s enough. IfI’menough. Or too much. Or wrong in all the ways that make her keep pulling away. The mistakes I’ve made are too damn overwhelming now.
And the one thing I meant to do to make things right—removing the clause, and with it, her doubts—even that backfired on me.
When I finally drag my eyes open again, she’s there. Standing barefoot at the edge of the hallway. My oversized tee is barely skimming her thighs. Hair a mess. Eyes soft.
“Hey,” I whisper.
She doesn’t say anything for a long moment. Just walks over slowly, her makeup smeared slightly.
She stares at the stray tear dragging over my cheek. Flinching as she does. “Levi, what—”
“I’m…” I croak. “I feel lost.”
Her lower lip trembles, eyes wide and darting between mine.
“I’m so sorry for what I’ve done,” I whisper, sniffling. “For what I let others decide for us. For what I’ve let happen to you. Baby, I’m s-so f-fucking sorry. But I don’t know… I don’t know what to do to fix us.”
She stares at me silently—her eyes filling. Like, this is not the person she’d ever known. Then she nods like she isn’t really registering her action.
And then—“Can you… can you tell me you l-love me?”
It’s not a command. Not a question. There’s a plea in her broken voice. And fuck, my heart splinters.
I close the distance between us because I can’t handle even an inch of space. But I pause right in front of her, not wanting to crowd her when shelooks so guarded yet exposed.
“I love you,” I whimper, chest caving. “I love you so much. I don’t know how to do anything else but love you. All of you.” And I mean it.
Every syllable tastes like salt. I’m sobbing now. That’s when I feel it.
I feel a soft brush on my shirt collar near my neck. The fabric stretches and pulls on a gentle tug.
I don’t wait for another moment to pass. In a blink, I’m crushing her into my arms.
Her heartbeat is steady. Mine isn’t.
I squeeze her harder, tighter.
Then she presses her cheek against my chest. “You’re shaking,” she murmurs. “Calm your heart, Levi.”
