I can’t have myself fall apart in front of hundreds of people. Especially not the one whose entire career depends on making niceties with this crowd.
So I leave. That’s all I can do.
??????
I stare at my phone listlessly. The chat thread with Levi becoming increasingly loud. There’s a buzzing sound in my ear that won’t go away.
Me: I have to go home. Something urgent came up.
That was thirty-five minutes ago. And since then—
Levi: What? You just left?
Levi: Baby, are you home now?
Levi: Your parents just asked for you. Vi is concerned. Tell me you’re okay at least?
Levi: Please answer me.
One missed call. Two.
Levi: Fucking hell, Cece. Answer me!!!
Levi: This is ridiculous. People are asking me where my fucking fiancée is. We do these things together, Cece.
I know.God, I know.But I couldn’t stay.
I didn’t even realize I had so many messages from him. He’s done this before—left for emergencies, for stress, for family interference. And I’ve always understood. But I’ve never had to do it. I thought he’d understand.
Levi: I’m coming over.
No.
No, no, no.
Shit. He can’t come over now. Not tonight. I haven’t explained everything to him yet. I thought I could hide behind medication and my carefully crafted routine. How the shame of being diagnosedwith Bipolar II Disorder is larger than any other secret I’ve shared with him.
I can’t. Not yet. Only my sister knows.
I know I’ll tell him. One day Iwilltell him, when my brain isn’t burning a path out of my skull.
But perhaps I’ve calmed down enough to fake it tonight. Take one breath at a time until I’m in his arms long enough to calm down.
So I wash the makeup off my face, though my blue headband is still stupidly holding my hair back.
Then the door clicks and I can’t help the flinch from locking my muscles.
He’s here.
But unlike the soft click of the door closing, there’s a bang. It’s faint. Echoed. But my ears don’t know the difference anymore. My eyes lose focus suddenly.
“Cece?” His voice is rough with concern—but I can hear the rage behind it. That quiet simmering kind that I’ve only ever heard directed at his parents or Gareth.
Oh God.Gareth. I’ll have to tell him about that too.
I’m sitting at the edge of my bed when the door creaks open. Levi appears in the frame. A picture of control, but his eyes? They’re fire.
He stares at me, taking in the pajamas. My flushed face. The damn blue headband I forgot to take off.
