The realization tears through me so brutally that I nearly stagger. My chest caves inward as I watch her hold onto her sister like it’s instinctive. Like Vi answered a language I failed to remember or even learn.
And all I can think is that the last time Cece reached for me like that…
I left her completely alone.
??????
[*] Novick DM, Swartz HA, Frank E. Suicide attempts in bipolar I and bipolar II disorder: a review and meta-analysis of the evidence. Bipolar Disord 2010: 12: 1–9. © 2010 The Authors. Journal compilation © 2010 John Wiley & Sons A/S.
TWENTY-SIX
Cece
This has been the longest time I’ve spent not sparing Levi a single glance.
But the moment he enters the living room again, I can’t help but lift my gaze. He looks haggard. Like someone stripped him ruthlessly of his own weight.
I can’t seem to look away from the helplessness lining every wrinkle of his face. He isn’t looking at me. But I notice how his body language is closely attuned to my every move.
“I’ll go fucking talk to him,” Vi says, making me flinch immediately in her embrace.
“Vi—”
I try to stop her, but she’s already striding toward the wreckage that Levi looks. I don’t understand it. But I know something must have happened to have him drowning like this.
“Levi,” Vi says coldly.
He startles for half a second before swallowing hard and nodding to her. “Vi—Vivienne. How are you? How’s school?”
“Fantastic,” she chirps, before plopping down on the couch and patting the spot next to her.
I numbly take a seat in the armchair, watching him stumble at my sister’s borderline rude command. She used to idolize him. I’m hoping she still does.
He looks over at me, but not my face. It’s almost as though he can’t bring himself to actually look at me.
“Listen, Vi—”
“Oh, I’ll be doing the talking,” she says firmly in her very young, overly confident voice. “First, where’s your girlfriend? She disappeared pretty much immediately after that photoshoot you both had.”
My God.
He blinks rapidly, frowning. My heart goes out to him. But I can’t help but lower my gaze. Words have been failing me in his presence, and I’m usually able to put up a front with everyone. But with him, my whole body collapses into what it’s meant to do.
My masks fail.
And I know why. It’s because there’s nowhere for me to escape to. Home was something where I’d let myself be somewhere between the medicated poise and undiluted carnage.
Now he’s in all of those spaces.
How did I ever think I’d be able to live with him without letting him see the real me?
I hear his fierce voice. “She’s not my girlfriend.”
I finally look up at him. His intent gaze pinned on me.
“She’s yourex-girlfriend, though,” Vi points out. “So, where is she?”
He shakes his head. “I don’t know. She left Canada and quit her job. According to Taewon, she’s in LA.”
